Thinking About You
by Silver Skyline
Summary: After Donna gets fired Jessica decides to bring in someone from Harvey's past in order to reign him in. Lily Marie and Harvey were in a relationship several years ago but some very poor judgment on his and Donna's part caused everything to fall apart.
1. Thinking About You

I apologize in advance for the lack of quality of my writing this time around. I've just had this idea bobbing around my head for quite some time now. After this weeks episode (2x05) I really wanted to give Harvey a love interest! I know some of you might be like, why not write about Donna? I just….idk….for me personally pairing them up seems like a cliché: boss falls in love with his secretary. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against the pairing, it's just not for me.

So, this story is going to be about what happens after Donna gets fired. Jessica decided to bring in someone from Harvey's past in order to reign him in. Lily Marie and Harvey were in a relationship several years ago but some very poor judgment on his _and_ Donna's part caused everything to fall apart.

I hope you guys like it! Should I continue it? Leave it here?

Comments, Idea, Critiques are loved and welcomed.

[_Side note: _I know I've been slightly MIA from all my other stories and I'm very sorry. I've just been lacking inspiration to continue them. Hopefully I'll find my motivation during these next few weeks.]

* * *

**Thinking About You**

My eyes don't shed tears,

But boy they bawl when I'm thinking 'bout you.

Do you think about me still?

Or don't you think that far ahead?

I'm lying down thinking 'bout you…

* * *

The cool night air brushed against her pink stained cheeks, sending a shiver down her spine. Tightening the red peacoat around her slender frame she looked up at the building. _The fiftieth floor…._Removing a small business card from her left pocket she looked at it intently. It had a rather large letter head that was inscribed with the words _Pearson Hardman, _and in much smaller print in the center of the card it read _Harvey Specter, Senior Partner. _Lily ran her thumb across the card, feeling every ridge and groove of the name that had been pressed onto the cardstock. She knew that being there was crazy, the last time they had seen one another she had been furiously gathering her clothing and leaving their apartment, tossing against his chest the small diamond ring he had purchased only months before. Lily had desperately fled out of the city, she knew that staying there would only serve to make the mending process impossible. Harvey had attempted to reach out to her numerous times but a part of her wouldn't allow herself to go back. He was her weakness, the only man with the power to make her knees buckle with a single look.

Taking a few steps forward she allowed her gaze to linger on the glass doors only feet away. There were a series of corridors that deviated from the elevators that were tucked away at the end of the main hallway. The sight reminded her of small canals that twisted and turned around various homes during her last trip to Venice. Lily couldn't help but feel smaller than the world. She was like a fish out of water. This wasn't her element, at least not anymore. Years ago she would have rejoiced at the opportunity to work side by side with Jessica Pearson or Harvey for that matter. But, things were different now. _She_ was different. Lily had come to discover the woman she had kept buried away during her time with Harvey. She didn't blame him for anything, well, except for the demise of their relationship, but on the professional front she had never voiced her wanting of being anything more than a paralegal to him so how could she blame him for not knowing. _He's supposed to know what I wanted….it wasn't some left wing idea that had just popped into my head. It's not like I wanted to join NASA and be an astronaut. He should have known I wanted more…_ Lily knew that her expectation of men to be mind readers was incredibly dumb but after having shared a bed with a man for six years of her life she expected him to know her better.

Peeling her eyes away from the double entry doors she felt a dusting of snow trickling onto her cupids bow. A small smile crept onto the corner of her lips. _"New York, your perfect Winter wonderland…." _The memory of her long nights spent in front of the fireplace, glass of wine in her right hand while her left index finger skimmed across the latest novel on her reading last and Harvey, only an arms length away, reading through one of many case files, invaded her thoughts. It was the same scene that had haunted her minutes before she boarded the plane for Los Angeles. It replayed in her mind constantly, raising the notion time and time again, _Maybe we can make this work… Maybe I should just go back and give this one more try…_The thought tended to invade her mind when she felt the most lonely: while coming across the men's cologne during her shopping sprees at Bloomingdales, when she watched Atonement with a glass of white wine envisioning herself as Cecilia and Harvey as Robbie or more recently when she stumbled across a letter written by Jessica.

Lily pushed the thought to the back of her mind and tucked both hands safely into her coat pockets. A rather tall and tan man at the front desk acknowledge her entrance, he nodded slightly and gave her a warm smile. "Are you looking for someone in particular Miss?"

"Umm, do you happen to know if Ms. Pearson is still in her office?" Lily bit her bottom lip slightly. It was one of the many bad habits she hadn't been able to break free from.

"I believe she is. Do you need me to show you to her office?"

"No, that's okay. I think I can manage. Thanks though." Giving him a warm smile in return she quickly made her way to the set of elevators, the clicking from her mile high stilettos echoing through the empty room. As soon as the door of the elevator shut in front of her eyes Lily was able to release the breath she had unknowingly been holding the entire time. _What if you run into him?…_ To be honest, she hadn't thought that far ahead. _I'll just cross that bridge when I get there….Wait, what does that even mean? You'll cross the bridge when you get there? Who the hell says that…I'm so screwed…_ A small dinging rang in her ears every time the metal contraption ascended another floor. She began to pace back and forth in a vain attempt to conjure up Plan B. _Maybe he's not there. Maybe he went home early or he's busy in a meeting…Really Lil? A meeting at 12 in the morning? I'm sure if he's in any meeting this late at night it has nothing to do with his job. _"If you run into him. Just make eye contact and walk directly into Jessica's office. Not a single word. Maybe a quick hi…no! No talking, absolute silence." Giving pep talks wasn't exactly her forte. Allowing a sigh to escape from her lips she braced herself to walk into the lions den. The doors parted abruptly, yet her entire body felt as though it were caught in a slow motion montage of every horror movie ever created.

The minute her Jimmy Choo's touched the white tile floor any trace of fear that had previously clouded her mind instantly evaporated from her system. Lily tucked a stray strand of black hair behind her ear and walked directly into Jessica's office. "You wanted to see me?" Removing her coat Lily could feel small goose bumps beginning to crawl up her arms.

"Yes. Shut the door behind you." Jessica rose from the silver mirrored desk and positioned herself on the grey sofa. "I'm glad you could make it on such short notice."

_You could still make a run for it._ It wasn't too late for her to run back to her hotel and catch the red eye back to Los Angeles. She hadn't even bothered to unpack yet, all her clothes and necessities safely tucked away inside their rightful suitcases. "Well you didn't give me much of a chance to say no. So, here I am." A part of Lily had hoped that they wouldn't need her services anymore. That upon arriving they would tell her that they'd resolved their dilemma, handed her a severance check and sent her back to California. But, it didn't seem that was likely to happen. "And I have to say, that letter you sent me? Not nearly cryptic enough."

"I didn't want to give too much away. Besides all you needed to know was there."

"You mean the fact that Harvey screwed something up? What else is new?"

"This is serious Lily Marie. It isn't something we can just sweep under the rug." Jessica placed a file onto the coffee table motioning for Lily to pick it up. She simply ignored the gesture, walking over to the far side of the sofa and sitting for the first time in hours. Her muscles relaxed almost instantly under the feel of the upholstery. "Why exactly am I here?"

"I just told you. Harvey's in a bit of a bind."

"What I mean is why _me._ There's a million other lawyers in the world. A million other lawyers here in New York."

Jessica couldn't help but be amused by the sight of the woman sitting only arms length away. "Because I know you and I know you'd do anything to protect Harvey. That's exactly what he needs right now, even if he's not willing to admit it."

"So, I'm just supposed to come in and save the day? If you haven't been able to fix his problem what makes you think that _I _can?"

"You're an amazing lawyer. I talked to Michael back in L.A. and he told me about your track record. I was very impressed. It's almost as unblemished as Harvey's."

Lily ran her digits through her hair and looked over her shoulder. Almost every office within ten feet was empty and all the assistants were quietly waiting for the next elevator to appear so they could go home. "Don't worry Harvey left hours ago." The words rang through her head repeatedly. While they served to put her body at ease her mind couldn't help but drift away, playing almost every scenario of what he could possibly be doing in that very moment. _Seriously? Don't tell me you'd be jealous if he's sleeping around with some random floozy? It's been five years. Build a damn bridge and get the hell over it!_

"If you talked to Michael then you know my rates. It's non-negotiable. I'm not going to take this on as a bro-bono case." The words that slipped from her lips made Lily sound like a self absorbed bitch and she knew it too. Yet, in her mind it was the only way to regain control of the situation. She needed them to understand that she wasn't there out of the good ness of her heart. They needed to wrap their heads around the fact that her life no longer revolved around Harvey. She was a knew woman; reborn from the rubble that her life had become shortly after that painful night.

"Daniel and I are fully prepared to pay you your hourly wage. Will you also need us to fix your sleeping arrangements?" And there it was, Jessica's biting tone. Lily had wondered how long it was going to take before she reverted back to her old ways.

"No, it won't be necessary. The thousand dollars an hour should cover it." Rising slowly from the sofa her legs felt like jelly. The jet-lag was beginning to kick in and every pore in her body begged her for a long hot bath. "I'll see you tomorrow." Picking up her red coat she nodded slightly at the older woman who hadn't bothered to rise. Jessica simply stared at her, a small smirk across her lips.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" She pointed at the file that was still sitting on the coffee table.

"Am I still the puppy in this scenario?" A smile couldn't help but spread across her lips. It was as though they hadn't spent a single minute apart. They had fallen so naturally into their old patterns. Lily was like a little sister to Jessica which meant that she was allowed to put her in her place whenever she seemed fit. And apparently this was one of those moments.

"I'm already paying you a thousand dollars and hour do you want me to do all the manual labor as well?"

"Good night Jessica."

"Good night Lily Marie."

Lily took a step in the direction of the series of elevators but quickly changes her mind. Instead she began walking in the opposite direction. It was as though her brain and body were at a disconnect, she was telling her feet to walk to the dimly lighted hallway while her brain was directing her down a pitch black aisle. Coming to the last office on the fiftieth floor she quickly realized why she had been pulled in that particular direction. Inches away from her face was a large glass door with the words _Harvey Specter _etched neatly in the upper right hand corner. _God, this is going to be a whole lot harder than I thought._

"Can I help you? You look lost." A rather light male voice broke Lily out of the daze she had allowed herself to fall into. She looked at the masculine figure that was standing inches away from her. He had a black jacket that was too thin to provide any true protection from the frigid winter air he would surely encounter as he set foot on the New York streets.

"Ummm….no…I mean I'm not lost, but thanks for asking. I was just looking at my new place of work before my first day on the job tomorrow." She didn't make eye contact with the young man instead she kept her eyes locked on Harvey's name.

"Did Jessica bring you on as a new assistant or-?"

She pulled her gaze away momentarily, settling her ochre hues on the young male. "Well, yes _and_ no. I am going to be assisting but I'm a lawyer, not a secretary."

"Does this lawyer have a name or am I just going to have to call you Mysterious Woman until I stumble upon your true identity tomorrow morning."

Lily shook her head slightly and couldn't help but laugh at the young mans forwardness. "I'm Lily Marie, and you are…?"

"I'm Mike Ross. It's nice to meet you." Mike extended his hand, his fingertips were pink. It was difficult to tell whether it was because of the temperature or because of some incessant paper filing he had been forced to do. She quickly settled on the latter.

"I should probably get going. See you tomorrow Mr. Ross." Lily turned to make her way towards the elevators that were several feet away. It was already pretty late and she needed to be in the office by 5:30. Looking down at her watch she realized that mean only five hours of sleep. _Hmmm…well four hours. I need to get dressed, fix my hair, eat breakfast….ugh! And I need to start searching for a place to live. A hotel is not a great place to lay down and relax in…._

"Wait. You didn't tell me who you're going to be assisting."

_Don't worry about it…._Lily pressed on the small metallic button and waited for the high pitched chirping sound to signify the elevator doors were about to open. For the first time she welcomed the sight of the stuffy elevator doors opening to envelope her in the warmth that was hidden within. She could still feel Mike's gaze locked on her shoulder blades. His incessant need to know all the details reminded her of Harvey. It was something that she had always found attractive about him. He had the ability to blur out the rest of the world, his ochre hues locked on her flushed lips as he hung on every word she uttered. _Stop! You need to stop thinking about him!….nothing good ever comes out of it…_


	2. I Miss You Tonight

I'm glad you guys liked it! I was fearful no one was gonna read it lol.

It's different than writing TVD fics because the amount of people that are open to Harvey being paired with a complete stranger is very slim. A lot of people typically want him to be paired with Mike or Donna but I just think he needs someone outside the office. Someone that can stand toe to toe with him.

I hope you guys like this next installment!

What would you like to see happen next?

I was thinking about maybe doing a flashback? Yes? No? Maybe? lol

Comments, Critiques and Ideas are love,

Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Much love.

* * *

**Thinking About You  
**I can usually drink you right off of my mind,  
But I miss you tonight.  
I can normally push you right out of my heart,  
But I'm too tired to fight.  
I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love.  
Time's not healin' anything baby,  
This pain is worse than it ever was.  
I know that you can't hear me, but baby I need you to save me tonight.

* * *

Peeling off the countless layers of clothing that were wound tightly around her frame the young brunette could feel her body floating on air. Lily ran her fingertips through her raven tresses massaging her scalp gently before allowing her hands to fall onto her side. Reaching her left hand for the zipper of her skin tight grey dress she tugged slowly on the small metal clasp forcing the dress to collapse onto the ground with a thump. Making her way into the kitchen the young woman made sure to grab a freshly chilled bottle of Merlot and a glass flute from the counter. The coolness of the bottle against her rib cage was a welcomed feeling. It awoke all her senses reminding the young brunette that she had a very long night ahead of her. The image of a warm bubble both lured Lily back to her bedroom but something quickly caught her attention mid-stride. Harvey's case file was spread carelessly across the coffee table, mocking her, reminding her of all the feelings that were still brewing within her heart. _Ugh! Damn it…_

Lily lazily bent over the large ivory bathtub, pouring a handful of crystals to its depths as the vapors began to envelop the room. Pulling her raven tresses into a ballerina bun she removed her undergarments, tossing them into a small pile of dirty clothes she needed to take care of. Her toes dipped into the sea of bubbles quickly followed by the rest of her frame. These were the moments when Lily enjoyed being petite, her entire body fit nicely into the confines of the porcelain tub. Bringing the glass of wine to her lips she allowed the cool liquid to skim her cupids bow gently before taking a sip. All the tension that had been exerted on her muscles during the long flight and her impromptu meeting with Jessica was quickly released into the warm water that splashed her olive skin. "What'd you do Harvey?" Her voice lingering in the air as she finally mustered the courage to open the dreaded grey folder. It took a moment for her mind to process the flood of information that was captured within the lines of a single sentence. _Harvey Specter is under investigation under the assumption of having buried evidence in a multi-million dollar lawsuit._ The first thought that invaded her mind? No wonder Jessica had hired her, their last lawyer seemed like a self absorbed second? Why would Harvey do something like that? He had always been the one with a strong set of moral codes that he never broke regardless of the circumstances. Lily refused to believe that anything that was sprawled across those pages was true. As the minutes drew by her confidence in the man was quickly dwindling away. All the facts were against him. Everything clearly pointed to Harvey burying evidence in order to save his own ass and guarantee millions of dollars would flood into his Burberry pockets.

Even while they were together there had been a part of himself he had kept hidden in the deepest rafters of himself. Staring blankly at the papers inches away Lily could feel her entire world crumble into pieces. A much familiar feeling when it came to Harvey. _What else did he keep from me?_ She was a firm believer that a relationship required two willing parties that loved one another and wanted to bring out the best qualities in themselves. Lily had always believed she knew the man who had spent countless hours summarizing his latest success in the courthouse. Yet, the man that was outlined in that file did not resemble Harvey. It was as though she were about to defend a complete stranger. There was no sentimental attachment to the Harvey Specter that had defamed the character of a man that had been nothing more than a victim. _Maybe there's an explanation for all of this…._"Why do you keep caring? Your job is to defend him…even though every single shred of evidence is against him. You're not supposed to be emotionally attached!" Lily tossed the file onto the tiled floor and submerged herself beneath the now luke warm water. Rising back to the surface Lily reached to delicate necklace almost as if on instinct, grabbing it tightly within her palm she let out a few breaths to calm her mind. The small necklace had been the only trinket she hadn't been able to part with after having left Harvey. So many memories were wrapped within that silver dove. Several that she wished could be erased but most of them always reminded her of the man Harvey _could_ be. The man who's future was now laying in her hands.

* * *

Taking the last straight raven lock in her hand she gently clasped it around the curling iron. Unclasping it in a matter of seconds she looked at her reflection in the hotel's floor length mirror. _What am I doing? _Lily had received a letter in the mail earlier in the week beckoning for her presence at Pearson Hardman. If that wasn't vague enough the handwritten note on delicate stationary had read simply: _He needs you - Jessica Pearson._ Every ounce of sanity within her begged her not to go back. She had a normal life now: a penthouse to call home, a golden retriever named lulu that always greeted her with sheepish barks and her dream job at one of the top firm in Los Angeles. Any other woman in her position would have discarded the letter immediately, not having bothered to read the contents inside. They would have continued their lives, thousands of miles away from the reason behind all their sadness. A sigh escaped from Lily's lips, she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. _I am the creator of my own destiny…the creator of my destiny…it's just a job. These three weeks will go by fast…they need to go by fast. _Lily wore a black knee length dress that had a small leather belt that cinched around her slender waist. Running her digits across the surface of the oak dresser she picked up her favorite necklace, it was a small silver dove that hung delicately on a silver plated chain. Looking into the mirror once more a smile couldn't help but appear on the corner of her lips.

A loud beeping sound made it's way to her bedroom, bouncing off the beige walls into her ears. Grabbing a long trench coat from amongst the Bering sea of sheets and linens that her bed resembled she quickly ran to the kitchen. Pressing the timer on the chrome oven she carefully pulled out a rack of freshly baked cupcakes. The sweet smell of cinnamon and vanilla filled her senses brining a smile to her red stained lips. Lily pulled out a glass bowl from the refrigerator and dipped her index finger inside, a small trickle of the freshly whipped strawberry frosting coating her skin. Making sure to spread an equal amount of the strawberry whipping onto each cupcake she placed them inside a container. _Seriously you're baking? What the hell is wrong with you? _Baking: It's was Lily's safety net. Something she constantly turned to when times got hard. Some people turned to wine, others indulged in chocolate but Lily baked. It was the idea that as soon as the latest batch of sweets made its way out of the oven her insecurities would be fluttering away along with it. A vibration from her coat pocket sent a shutter through her body, pulling out the small contraption she brought it up to her ear, "Miss Marie, I'm outside waiting for you. Whenever you're ready." It was her driver and longtime friend Aiden. He'd known her since she was in college, always keeping a cautious eye on her and making sure no harm ever came her way. He was the only comforting aspect of being back in New York. A friendly face that would always protect her no matter the circumstances. "I'll be down in a minute." Pressing the screen with her thumb she stared down at the phone momentarily debating whether or not this was the right decision. Was jumping back into a pool filled with sharks really the smartest thing? _You have to protect him…._ A saddened expression quickly spread across her face. She loved him, that much was true but ever ounce of sanity within herself constantly told her that he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve her love, her protection, her warmth. "You gotta get your ass to work. It's not a good look to be late on your first day." Retrieving the container from the kitchen counter Lily gathered all her things off of the coffee table. Locking the door behind herself she rested against the cool surface of the wooden door. "Here I go."

* * *

Walking into Pearson Hardman was a daunting task that had haunted her dreams the night before. Every scenario consisted of Harvey looking at her, saying her name in his silky voice and Lily running to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and begging for an explanation for everything that had happened between them. For some it would be more for a fairytale and less of a nightmare but that's because they don't know her story. They have no idea of the finely spun web of deceit Harvey had managed to weave along with his red headed accomplice.

The offices of Pearson Hardman were rather quite, several of the associates were yet to arrive and the assistants were nowhere to be found. Lily decided to take the time as an opportunity to get herself acquainted with her surroundings once more. Placing her belongings on an empty oak desk she made sure to keep the file buried deeply within her purse. Her first stop in the long trip down memory lane was Jessica's office. She knew she'd been there the night before but you can't really get a grasp of your surroundings when you can't see past your hands and everything you take in involves a dark outline or a fuzzy haze. Placing one of her famous cinnamon-vanilla cupcakes on the immaculate mirrored desk she took one of the business card and wrote on the back with a black tip pen: _Bring back any memories?_. Everyone had always told Lily that if a career in law didn't work out for her she should open up her own bakery. Her sweets always begged people for more, you couldn't take merely a bite out of one of her pastries without wanting to fill your plate.

Lily carefully closed the transparent door, looking back to make sure she hadn't gotten any frosting on the glass. Turning back around she quickly felt herself jolted against a human barrier. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you." The ring to the mans voice brought Lily instantly back into last night. It was Mike, of that she was certain.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Lily followed Mike's gaze to the clear container she was holding in both hands. "Oh, I was nervous about my first day so I decided to bake. Do you want one?"

Lily's reassuring smile gave Michael enough courage to take a pastry. As soon as the associate sunk his teeth into the soft bread he could feel himself transported to another world. His taste buds went on a wild trip. "Wow, that's really good. So you're not just a woman of mystery but you're a baker to? Huh, what's next you secretly fight crime at night?"

Lily soft laugh filled the hallway, "Something like that." Noticing Mike had finished the pastry in about two large bites she offered him another. "Consider it a thank you for being nice to me. You're by far the nicest person I've met so far."

"I'm the _only _person you've met so far." Mike retorted matter-of-factly while wiping any remnants of frosting from his lips before preparing himself to indulge in the second pastry.

"Touché." Placing the lid back onto the container she allowed her gaze to linger past Mike. Noticing that a rather disgruntled Louis was entering his office Lily trickled her fingertips against the cover. Looking back up at Mike she smiled lightly, "I'm going to keep looking around. It was nice seeing you again Mike."

"Yeah, you too. Although since you're a lawyer and I'm a first year I think it's best we get the speech out of the way. So…." He cleared his throat and placed his left hand into the pockets of his trousers. His voice was several octaves lower , "Here's how it's going to be, you're the puppy. That means I tell you to jump you say how high. You do not speak unless spoken to. And, just as a warning, I'm not going to be cleaning your shit so stay the hell out of my way. "

"Wow, I'm guessing you've had to be the puppy for a lot of shitty people."

"Tell me about it. So, was my speech on the ballpark of what you were going to say?"

"Not even close. Next time try sounding a little manlier. More Robert Downey Jr. and less Robert Pattinson." Placing a hand gently on his shoulder Lily brushed past him. "Maybe next time." Her soft laughter echoed in his ears as she made her way to the Junior Partners office.

* * *

The smell of cinnamon quickly filled the office forcing Harvey to pull his attention away from the never ending pile of files that were spread across his desk. "Where did you get that?" Even after all of the years that had passed he could still recognize Lily's cinnamon-vanilla cupcakes. _Because that's very realistic. She's been gone five years._

Mike looked rather confused by the senior partners question as he sat down on the leather chair that was positioned in front of the desk.. "Uhhhh a cupcake?" He brought the small pastry a few inches away from Harvey's face. "Do you want some?"

"Where'd you get that?" Mike was growing very confused by the attitude Harvey was taking. He was beginning to resemble a child who had just been told he couldn't get the toy train he wanted and as soon as he got home his neighbor was outside, basking in the glory of having convinced his parents of purchasing it.

"I got it from the new lawyer Jessica hired. Her names….Lily…Lily Marie." Mike brought the pastry up to his lips, the balanced quantity of cinnamon, vanilla and strawberries warming his belly.

Harvey felt like he had just received a blow in the gut. The room seemed to be spinning, air was no longer reaching his lungs as easily as before. Reaching up to the silk tie that was wrapped around his neck he quickly loosened the knot. "Lily Marie?" Was he in a dream? He had to be. _Jessica-_ She had hired his ex-girlfriend to come and save him. But why? She was the last person he'd ever think would fly halfway across the country to lead his defense.

"Yeah, I met her yesterday. She seems pretty cool." Mike's tone was very nonchalant, causing Harvey to raise an eyebrow at the boy. His associates statement made Harvey realize how easily men took someone as special as Lily for granted. If he only knew the entire story behind Lily he wouldn't be referring to her as someone who's just "pretty cool."

"Do you know where she is?" He needed to hear her soft satin voice filling his veins. She was the one woman he had never wanted to shatter into pieces. Every other woman in his path had been a game, a fun adventure whenever he got lonely. But Lily, she had changes him. Forced him to grow into a man that could obtain all he set his mind to. She was the reason behind his success. Lily was as much a part of Harvey Specter as the ego that was encased within his soul.

"No. She just said she was going to go exploring around. I'm not really sure what that means."

"And it didn't occur to you to ask her where she was going?"

"No? Why would I?" Mike was about to take a final bite of the cupcake but decided to offer it to Harvey once more. "Are you sure you don't want any?"

Harvey locked his ochre hues with the young associate sitting a few feet away. Every pore in his body wished _he_ had been the one to see her. Extending his right hand out he motioned for Mike to hand him what remained of the pastry. Mike's smile caught the senior partner by surprise as he placed the cupcake on a random file. All the memories of their time spent together quickly flooded his mind. It was a sign that she hadn't forgotten him, at least not completely. Lily would bake that very same pastry for him every Monday to cure his achy muscles and the agony he felt about getting up at 5 in the morning for work. Pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket he looked down at the date stamped across the screen: Monday, July 23rd. She hadn't forgotten their tradition. His moment of happiness was short lived when he realized that _yes_ she had baked those cupcakes, and _yes_ it was Monday but apparently they had _not _been intended for him. Folding the circular wrapping several times he tossed it into the chrome waste basket inches away from his feet.

"Why are you so interested in what Lily does?"

"Lily? Seriously? Since when are you two on a first name basis?" Harvey could taste the jealously on his tongue.

"She lets me call her Lily. It's not like I'm calling her Lil." _You better not,_ Harvey thought. "You know what. I think I might ask her if she's okay with me calling her that." A triumphant smile was plastered across his face. Mike could sense the hint of anger that was beginning to boil beneath the surface. He was enjoying making his boss angry a little too much.

"Get the hell out of my office. You know what? No. Stay, read through all these files. I expect a summary by the time I get back." Harvey buttoned his suit jacket as he rose from the leather upholstered chair.

"Where are you going?" Mike watched as his boss walked away, his figuring shrinking with every step he took. To say he was confused by everything that was occurring was a big understatement. He knew there was some underlying secret that was brewing between Harvey, Lily and Jessica. The thought of being left out only served to make him all the more curious.


	3. Beautiful Sunrise

First of all let me say thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited and alerted this story! I love you guys so much!

This was so hard for me to type out! I _knew_ what I wanted to write but every time I wrote it out I wasn't happy with it. I hope you guys like it, I tried really hard on this one lol. I wanted to write a whole lot more than what I did but I couldn't get my mind to be creative. &I wanted to update the story before I go on college orientation for the next three days. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have _a lot_ of down time at night so I'll write out the next few chapters for you guys.

Comments, questions, critiques are welcomed and loved!

Is there anything in particular you guys would like to see? Let me know ;)

AUTHORS NOTE:

Next Chapter?….Harvey & Jessica have a conversation.

I'm going to try and finish it by tomorrow *fingers crossed* that way when I leave on Wednesday I can focus on Harvey and Lily meeting again ;)

* * *

**Thinking About You **

When I look into your eyes,

it's like watching the night sky or a beautiful sunrise.

There's so much they hold…

I won't give up on us,

Even if the skies get rough.

I'm giving you all my love.

I'm still looking up.

* * *

Harvey stood inches away from the windowsill, the warm rays beating down on his pain stricken face. _Lily_… The mere idea of uttering her name produced a sweet taste across his tongue. Running his hands through his hair Harvey couldn't help but wonder what had become of her life after they went their separate ways. Had she met someone new? Was she married? Where was she living now? Was she happy? Had she been able to forget about him? He knew resentment was deeply rooted within her after everything he had done and he didn't blame her if she was happy in someone else's arms. He wanted her to be happy but Harvey had always expected the source of Lily's happiness to come from him. He had hated himself for all the heartache he caused her, to be honest he still did. Every morning for years after that wretched day he could still smell her floral perfume lingering on the sheets, he could hear her gentle laugh echoing against the stucco walls and feel her hands kneading against his achy muscles. Taking several steps away from the unblemished view of the New York skyline he wondered where the hell Jessica was and why it was taking her so long to get back to her office. He needed answers. More importantly he needed to know how she had convinced Lily to take the job.

* * *

_Flashback:_

A pair of golden curtains blew lazily across the floor length windows allowing small flickers of light to seep into the bedroom. The cool air brushed against their entangled bodies offsetting the warmth that was radiating off their frames. It was a scene of love and tranquility; Both bodies finding what they longed for in each other. Lily, finding a sense of protection and love while Harvey had found the only woman able to dominate him in every aspect of the word. A sea of brunette waves were splayed delicately across the surface of the pillow while her right hand was tucked beneath the feathered object as her left rested gently on top. Harvey held his young companion closely, his digits constantly traveling up and down her thigh and ribcage. The feel of her olive skin reminded him of just how lucky he was. At times it scared him how easily all these good things were happening for him. He felt that if he blinked or spoke to roughly the fantasy he was living in would shatter into pieces. Lily began to stir, the sunshine trickling directly onto her face forcing her to roll against Harvey's chest. She watched him sleep, his golden tresses were tousled after their long night of various embraces nowhere near the perfect mane he cautiously styled every morning before heading off to work. Placing her hand across his heart she felt the rise and fall of his chest with every breath he took. "I love you Harvey Specter." A simple sentence consisting of five words, two proper nouns and one verb. Something so simple to say yet the moment it left her lips Lily couldn't help but feel a fleet of butterflies twirling in her abdomen. It was the first time she had ever said it. Well, there were times in the past when the phrase had crossed her mind but now that words had entered the atmosphere it became all the more real. She loved him and there was no taking it back, no denying her feelings.

"You finally said it." Harvey's voice was gritty, his ochre hues met hers momentarily before they were covered with the palm of his hand as he rubbed them several times in a lame attempt to re-energize his senses.

"I thought you were sleeping." Lily bit her bottom lip gently.

"I _was_ sleeping but someone moves around in the bed too much." He caressed her cheek several times with his thumb.

"Isn't this the part where you're supposed to say it back?"

"No." Harvey pulled Lily closer to his chest, her lips grazing the surface of his skin. The scent of his cologne filled her senses with each breath she took. "I think this makes it: Harvey 52 - Lily 1."

"You've been keeping track? What is it, a competition?" Lily rolled away from Harvey, placing the palm of her hand across her forehead. "That doesn't even sound accurate. _52_?" Had he professed his love for her that many times? She couldn't help but feel like a jerk, the man known for his lack of emotions had said it fifty-two times and today was the first time _she_ had ever bothered to say it out loud.

Harvey couldn't help but be amused by the woman laying beside him. "The Dominican Republic, Fenway Park, June 14th , MoMA, Staples Center, Wrigley Fie-"

"Okay, I get it. I'm a terrible person." Lily rolled onto her side, taking his hand she slid her digits between his fingers and smiled. "I do love you and I know I haven't said it enough over the last few months especially after….but I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do and you're the most important part of my life Harvey Specter even if you _are_ a pain in the ass 99% of the time." The feel of his soft lips pressed against hers took her breath away. Bringing her hands to the nape of his neck she ran her fingers through his hair, tugging gently to bring him closer. Lily felt herself fall onto her pillow once again except this time Harvey followed a few seconds after, their bodies still pressed against each other. His left hand was plastered against the mattress only inches away from her flushed face as his right slithered down her neck. Lily pulled away slowly and couldn't help but admire the man that was hovering over her. He was her happiness, how she had gotten there she wasn't sure but there was something so perfect about the moments they spent together that made her believe she could actually spend all eternity with him. She followed his gaze and noticed that his ochre hues settled on the silver dove that was intertwined with her hair. "I never take it off." She pulled on the silver chain and repositioned it, placing the cold silver dove onto her chest. The small memento flickered small beams of light across Lily's olive skin. It was the first present Harvey had ever gotten her. When they had first started seeing each other he had noticed the way her hues lit up each time she saw a dove flying through the sky. The idea that loved ones never strayed far from those they left behind was what got Lily through the hard times in her life. Doves were a symbol of peace, faith and hope; all the things that had been lacking in Lily's life after her brother's death.

"Do you ever wish you could have done more to show someone how much they mean to you? Just take back all the bad memories you have of a person? Erase them all and only hold on to the good times?"

Harvey furrowed his eyebrows as he searched across Lily's face for a sign of what had sparked that question. "Where's this coming from Lil?" Repositioning himself on the large bed he sat in close proximity to the tanned beauty.

Guilt was something that haunted her, it seeped into the deepest parts of her mind when she least expected it. There were several times when Lily would wake up in the middle of the night to find herself drenched in sweat, her hair plastered against her neck and her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. Had she been anymore superstitious Lily would have believed Chris was haunting her as punishment. "I just…sometimes I think maybe I should have done more. I should have stood up for him, protected him from everything."

"There's some people you're supposed to walk away from." _One of those people being my father. _It seemed they were both destined to partake in dysfunctional families. "People disappoint you Lil, shit happens and the rest of us are always stuck picking up the pieces."

"Yeah, I just feel like there's too many pieced left and I have no clue how to put them back together." Filling her lungs with air Lily looked down at the satin sheets and began to twirl a large section with her index finger. "I wish there were more good memories tied to my brother. The last happy time I can remember is when I was eight and he helped me with my ballet recital. After that, it's all yelling and fights and drugs." A stream of tears were crawling to the surface, beginning to be released. "It made me realize that I need to make _new_ memories…" Reaching over to the white nightstand only inches away from the bed she pulled on the metal knob, dipping her hands into the drawer she rummaged around blindly until she found a small black box. Running her finger across the smooth surface Lily looked up at Harvey. His gaze was locked on hers, prepared to take her in his arms if the tears started to stream down her cheeks. Lily placed the box on her lap and she reached up for the silver chain, taking between her thumb and index finger the silver dove. "I love this and every time I wear it I'm reminded of how lucky I am. So…." Lily handed him the small box, "don't say I never gave you anything."

A smirk couldn't help but form on the corner of his lips as he opened the gift. Staring back at him were a pair of silver cuff links, both embossed with the initials CM. "Last time I checked my initials were HS babe."

Lily scoffed and retrieved the gift from his hands. "They were my brothers. It's the only thing of his that held any sentimental value to me. He would wear them every year for Christmas with that stuffy suit mama always forced him to wear." She could feel herself reliving those days. The strong aroma of cinnamon and apple flooded her senses and she could hear her brothers voice calling out her name. Lily looked down at the sheets once more in an attempt to recollect herself. "Umm….you don't have to wear them if you don't want to. I know it's kind of cheesy and all…"

"They're perfect."

"You're such a liar. I know you, on the inside you hate them." Lily unclasped one of the cufflinks and ran her thumb across its surface, every ridge and groove bringing back a distinct memory.

"They're a part of you Lil and that's why I love them because I love _you._" He took the small metal clasps away from Lily and placed them back inside the leather box.

Lily inched slowly towards him and placed a hand on his cheek. "So, does that make it Harvey Specter 53 - Lily Marie 2?" Her gentle laugh lingered in the air and Harvey couldn't help but stare. _She_ captivated him. The way she scrunched her nose when she didn't understand something, the cute way she bit her bottom lip when she was nervous, how she sprayed the air with her perfume before stepping into it or the incredibly adorable way she got on her tiptoes when attempting to read something from the top shelf in their closet. "How about I try and even out the score a little bit.

"You have a lot of catching up to do and I have work in an hour."

Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, placing a trail of kisses up to his jaw line. "I think we can work something out…" she mumbled between kisses.

* * *

There were no heels clicking against the white tile floor, no lavender perfume infiltrating the office and no silky voice telling him to get the hell out of her office. Jessica was still nowhere to be found and Harvey's patience was dwindling away with every second that passed. Looking down at his Rolex the time read, 9:45 a.m. He had only spent a total of fifteen minutes pacing around the room yet it felt like an eternity. The seconds hand couldn't move fast enough, time was going by too slow. Harvey dropped his hands against his side and continued pacing around the vast office looking at the glass door after every twenty second interval. His hands roamed to the small silver cuffs that were poking through the sleeve of his black suit jacket. Feeling every ridge of the two letters that had been embossed in the silver several years ago brought a faint smile to his lips. Those two little letters, containing so many moments alongside Lily, were the only thing he had left to remind himself that the time they spent together _was _real. Those two letters, **CM** contained every hope and fear his beautiful ex-girlfriend had ever kept hidden away. Those two letters, contained every single ounce of love that ran through his veins.


	4. Did You Wrong

First of all let me say thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited and alerted this story! I love you guys so much!

& a very special thanks to babygurl1944 who has been sticking with my story since the very beginning : )

Comments, questions, critiques are welcomed and loved!

Is there anything in particular you guys would like to see? Let me know ;)

Yup, so everyone's giving Harvey crap in this chapter….well except for Lily. I haven't gotten there yet lol.

So, I know you guys were itching to find out what the hell Harvey did to Lily! So I revealed a few details, not too many though haha. Tell me what you guys think! &I made this chapter a bit longer than the previous ones so hopefully you guys like it. But if you felt like it was too much just let me know and I'll cut down the length on future chapters.

Next Chapter?

Harvey and Lily: There first conversation after five years. How does it play out? Will she give him a piece of her mind or remain calm and collected, putting everything that happened behind her? Hmmm…..ideas? I want to know what you guys want to see happen.

Answers to Past Comments: 

_Stefanie: _Hopefully the little scuffle between Harvey and Jessica did justice to what you had in mind. &I alluded a bit to what exactly happened that made them go their separate ways without giving too many details. I really did end up enjoying my orientation, I am dreading the classes I'm going to have to take for my genetics major though lol.

_pirate addict: _Awwww I'm really glad you like my story so far! I have to admit that your comment kinda gave me that little nudge I needed to type out this story. I don't want to reveal too much too quickly and I think it makes it feel more genuine that way. And I just really felt that exploring why Harvey is so guarded and shedding light on a softer side without making him _too_ sappy was something that needed to be done. I hope you continue enjoying the story!

* * *

**Thinking About You**

I love you baby, I need you in my life.  
You know what I'm saying?  
I'm sick and tired of the arguing and all that good stuff.  
I mean, I'm pleading on this track because I really really love you.  
& I really want us to work.  
You know? I want to marry you baby.  
You know? I want you to be in my life for the rest of my life.

* * *

"Where the hell have you been?" The words escaped Harvey's lips upon inhaling the sweet jasmine perfume that had inched into the office. He was neither amused nor willing to listen to any sarcastic comments from his long time friend and boss, Jessica Pearson. Had he excepted to receive an emotional response from Jessica he would have been highly disappointed; she merely stood in the door way, a black one shoulder dress hugging every curve on her athletic frame and a look of exhaustion painted across her face.

"And who the hell do _you_ think you're talking to?" Her slender hips swayed as she made her way to the gleaming desk that was situated in the far end of the room. Crossing her mile long legs she sat on the edge of the desk, a stern expression conveyed through her brown hues. "I was attempting to clean up _your_ mess." Retrieving one of the many files splayed beside her frame she tossed it onto the coffee table only feet away. "Go ahead read it. I know you're here to pry me as to why in the hell I hired Lily."

He was reluctant, unsure of why Jessica would so easily grant him access to all the answers for the never ending questions bouncing around in his mind. Walking cautiously to the coffee table he picked up the file and began thumbing through the pages before coming to a halt. His eyes rolled up and down the sheet of paper, taking in every single phrase that had been inked onto its surface. Jessica's voice broke any process of comprehension that had began to take place within his mind, "She's the best lawyers there is and I knew she'd fight 'til the death to clear your name." And she was right, of course she was right. This was the woman he had proposed marriage to. The woman who had taught him that trusting another person to not destroy you was an inevitable task. The woman who had opened his eyes to the fact that being disconnected from your emotions only served to hinder you instead of propelling you forward. A tiny voice in the back of his head constantly reminded him that the only woman , aside from Jessica, who would stick their hands in the fire for him was Lily. But he didn't understand why. _Why_ now? _Why_ after everything had she traveled across the country to protect him?

"You had no right." Harvey's voice was a mere whisper, had he spoken any louder the crack in his tone would have been audible.

"You know damn well I had every right Harvey." Her brown hues locked onto Harvey, taking in every single movement he made. The man, with a defeated look across his face, was only a fragment of the strong willed lawyer she had grown to love and appreciate. "You need her Harvey." Jessica's tone was soft and offered a sincere apology, though she would never admit it.

Tossing the grey folder onto the table he met Jessica's gaze. His eyes were blank, masking the deep ache that was slowly enveloping his entire body. "You had no right to bring her here."

"Did you not bother reading that file? She's one of the best lawyers around. She's not the same old Lily you knew five years ago Harvey. She can take care of herself and as you can see she's done a pretty damn good job. Or is that what pisses you off? The fact that she has a better life now that you're not in the picture?"

Every single word that escaped Jessica's lips were like shards piercing through his heart. Had he been a sentimental man he would have allowed his feet to buckle beneath the weight of his frame. His entire world was collapsing around him, a reminder that maybe karma truly did exist and wasn't just some bullshit idea that people used to scare others into being polite. It was a punishment, it had to be. What other explanation could there be for the current state of his life? "You know exactly why I'm pissed off that you brought her here! If she sees-...she's going to kill Donna the moment she has to bring her in and advise her on what to say when she takes the stand."

"So you're worried about Donna? Don't go telling _her_ that or she might actually go and kill your favorite secretary."

He should have fired Donna all those years ago. He should have run after Lily. He should have put his fucking pride aside and begged for forgiveness. He shouldn't have been so stupid. _Should_: that was the million dollar word. There were countless things that Harvey Specter should have done in retrospect to save his relationship. Five years ago he was naïve and quick to oversimplify the situation. He had simply discarded the event as a moment of weakness, weren't all men allowed to succumb at least once to their sexual urges? _That_ ladies and gentlemen is naivety in the purest form. During those long nights spent drowning himself in bottle after bottle of scotch Harvey would attempt to grasp how he could have been that stupid. What type of person allows the best thing in their life to just walk away? What type of person bases their defense on the fact that sexual urges have to be satisfied regardless if they're in a relationship or not?

"It's not Donna I'm worried about. I've already hurt Lily enough, why would you go and drag her back in?" He ran a hand through his ash brown tresses and pulled his gaze away from Jessica. A moment more of staring into her piercing chocolate orbs and he was sure he'd crumble instantaneously.

"I didn't force her to come here! She's here because just like me and Mike and Donna, she cares about your well being. And I'm pretty sure that even after everything she wouldn't relish seeing you in an orange jumpsuit."

"And what exactly do you think is going to happen when we see each other! How am I supposed to communicate with her and tell her that Donna decided to shred evidence because of her loyalty towards me?"

"Well, maybe if you had been able to keep it in your pants all those years ago we wouldn't be here! Tell me something Harvey, why didn't you just fire Donna right after it happened?"

He parted his lips slightly but he couldn't piece together a coherent sentence. It wasn't that her question had caught him off guard or that he was too scared to answer it, the reality of the matter was that he wasn't sure. He didn't know why he hadn't just hit the reboot button in his life and started over, ridding himself of all the reminders of just what a heinous person he could be. "I don't want her representing me in court."

"That's not your decision to make. Hardman and I have come to the mutual agreement that Lily Marie will be the one to represent not only your best interests but the firms as well."

"It _is_ my decision! I'm not going to humiliate her by putting her in the same room as Donna."

"It's not up for discussion. She's a big girl Harvey. Lily knows what taking on this case implies and she accepted. No one put a gun to her head."

"What did you say to make her take the job?"

Jessica shook her head and let out a sigh. Her patience was begin to grow thin with every moment that passed. "I wrote her a letter telling her you were in trouble along with a ticket to board a flight to New York."

"I'm not in trouble. This is just some bullshit lawsuit Tanner is throwing our way to send a message."

"Well I'm getting the message loud and clear, are you?" Harvey allowed his body to collapse onto the grey sofa, the tension that was flooding through his muscles more apparent than ever. He didn't bother to respond to Jessica's comment. Instead, he buried his face between his palms and filled his lungs with air in an attempt to calm the wave of emotions that were slowly seeping into his veins. "You didn't want Allison Holt to defend you because she was…what did you call her? Oh, right, a self absorbed bitch. I bring Lily in and you don't want her either! You're running out of options Harvey! Now are we done here or are you going to continue wasting my time?"

"No, we're not done. You have to fire her." Harvey rose lazily from the sofa, for a brief moment all the ache that was consuming him alive was visible in his ochre hues. Lowering his gaze to avoid the icyness in Jessica's orbs he shoved his hands into the pockets of his Bottega Veneta trousers.

"I never took you as the type to run away from his problems. You messed up, now put your big boy pants on and face the consequences."

"Jessica-"

"Get the hell out of my office Harvey. If you don't want Lily representing you then _you _go ahead and fire her but I won't be the one to do it." Standing from her position on the desk she walked over to the glass door and held it open motioning for Harvey to get out. She was tired of having to defend her decisions at every turn. Not only was she being analyzed under the microscope by Hardman but now Harvey, her right hand man, was questioning her actions as well. "Not another word." She raised her hand to stop him from uttering a counter argument. The tone in the room had shifted drastically. It was no longer Harvey who was annoyed, angered and aggravated by the situation at hand now Jessica had absorbed all the tension and was feeling irritable simply by looking at the man who was slowly making his way to the glass door. "Just, get out." Shutting the door behind him she watched as Harvey looked back at her for a mere second before retreating to his office on the opposite end of the floor.

* * *

Twenty minutes had gone by and Lily couldn't pull herself away from the desk. The entire concept was surreal, she was sitting in the same seat where the flamboyant redhead had spent countless hours organizing Harvey's daily activities. Running her fingertip across the surface of the oak tabletop she could feel her stomach churn. It was self-inflicted torture: imagining all the conversations between them, the fleeting looks that had to have occurred after long work days, the friendly embraces. It was a necessary treatment, Lily needed to create a disconnect between the love she felt and the hatred that was lingering in the back of her mind. Impartial, that's what she needed to be. Having no invested feelings would save her from many years of therapy but who was she kidding. Asking the young lawyer to bury all feelings for Harvey would be like telling a bird not to fly; an impossible feat.

"Ugh! This is impossible."

"What's impossible?" A soft voice hovered over her frame, startling the tanned beauty.

"Nothing. You almost gave me a heart attack." Placing a hand across her chest Lily could feel the rapid contractions of her heart.

"I uh, I don't think it's such a good idea that you sit there." Mike pointed at the leather seat. "Harvey's been a little on edge since Donna got fired."

"Right." The very moment Lily digested Mike's previous statement the sensation of a million bugs crawling over her body came to life. She felt dirty. As if she had just been let in on some deep dark secret and was in dire need of a bath to cleanse her mind. The idea of Harvey being in agony over having lost Donna drove a dagger through her heart. Lily was baffled by the concept that he could care so much about his secretary but hadn't given a rats ass about the woman he had proposed marriage to.

"Oh, Harvey's been looking for you. Do you have an office somewhere so I can tell him to meet you there…?"

"No. Don't tell him you saw me. I'm kind of busy right now and just came here to get a break from all the chaos." Pushing the seat back against the desk she used more force than she had intended, creating a loud thump and rattling the entire cubicle.

"Okay. Are you sure though? Because he almost killed me when I told him I had no idea where you were."

"Yeah. I'm sure." She didn't bother to stay a moment longer, fearing that Harvey would appear out of thin air. Grabbing her purse from the floor she made her way down the winding hallway and entered the conference room where she had asked various paralegals to scatter all the evidence necessary for the case. Tossing her purse onto an empty chair she began skimming random files, not paying attention to anything that the documents said. Instead, her mind was forcing her to replay her conversation with Mike. "Stop thinking about it! You knew Donna meant something to him, did you honestly believe he would have fired her all those years ago?" Honestly? She _had_ believed that Harvey would fire his redheaded assistant the moment after Lily threatened to leave and never come back but apparently he had spent the last five years by her side. Doting on her and reliving their countless escapades while Lily was thousands miles away, drowning in the sorrow that had consumed her heart for countless months after. Picking up a file off the desk she tossed it to the far end of the room. The file trickled down in the air, covering the tile with a blanket of black ink scribbled paper. "You're such an idiot."

* * *

"I didn't know we paid you to just stare into thin air."

"I'm confused." Harvey brushed against Mike, entering his office without waiting for his associates response. He was far too engulfed in his own problems to deal with any of Mike's soap opera ordeals.

"That's nothing new." He gravitated towards the slightly worn baseball that was sitting on his desk. The once pristine signature was now slightly worn and showing signs of aging due to the countless hours Harvey spent tossing and catching the small sphere.

"Do you want me to tell you or not?"

"Tell me what? If this is about me being an ass because I forced you to break up with Rachel you can just keep it yourself because I'm in no mood to listen to that crap." Walking over to the floor length windows he tossed the ball a few inches away from his face, catching it seconds later without giving it a single moment of thought.

"I was going to drop off some files in here and I saw Lily sitting in Donna's old desk. I told her that you hated anyone sitting there and then she got all tense and walked off. What exactly is going on between you guys? Don't tell me you went out with Lily and she caught you cheating on her with Donna?" Mike laughed slightly at the stupidity behind his comment. Harvey turned to face his associate, a mixture of pain and disconnect etched across his face. "Holy shit! You….What?…"

"For someone who's supposed to be smart you should be able to form complete sentences." Harvey's blatant attempt to divert the focus away from himself.

"When were you planning on telling me this?"

"I wasn't. And why in the hell would you tell Lily that I'm being a prick about people touching that desk?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know she's the scorned lover?" Mike realized that the glass door was opened, allowing anyone that walked by full access to their conversation. Shutting the door he lingered for a few moments before finally facing his boss once again.

"Where did she go after you talked to her?" It would be easy to put all of the blame on Mike. Say that he needed to go and clean up his mess but the reality of the matter was that it was all Harvey's fault. He was the one in control, he knew he had some shitty cards yet kept on betting convinced that he could beat the house.

"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. To be honest, she told me not to tell you that I had seen her. I didn't get why at first, but now….Is that why you made me break up with Rachel? Because your in house relationship didn't work out so well?"

"This is nothing like the puppy love you and Rachel think you have okay. Besides, I don't have to explain myself to you. Your job is to do what I say not to question me."

"Right. So if you're so against mixing business with pleasure why in the hell did you keep Donna around? For someone that always needs to follow a set of moral codes I'm pretty sure that goes against every single one of them."

"You're very quick to switch sides. Just a few days ago you were bitching at me for not having fought harder to keep Donna and now you're demanding to know why I didn't fire her sooner. You have some real issues kid."

"I'm not the one with issues here. You're the one that sleeps with his secretary then decides to keep her around instead of going after the chick he screwed over. You may be one of the best lawyers in New York but you're clueless when it comes to making life decisions."

Harvey wasn't quite sure when their boss/employee relationship had shifted into this. When Mike had first started off in the firm he wouldn't have dared cross that line but now he was cursing and shedding light on every flaw that Harvey possessed. "Get out." His tone encompassed every single emotion that was oozing from his pores.

Mike looked at him slightly confused, he was no where near being done with his laundry list of reprimands. "No. I'm not-"

"Get the hell out." Pointing to the door only inches away from his associate he motioned for Mike to walk away. A minute longer of having to look into his piercing blue orbs and he was sure he'd break a hole in the nearest wall. He was done hearing everyone's comments. They were quick to judge his actions and reprimand him for what he did but no one knew the hurt that he was forced to live with everyday of his life. No one knew that he ran his hand across the sheets where Lily once laid. No one knew that sometimes he called Lily's cell phone just to here the voice mail message. No one knew that after all these years he still ate dinner every Friday night at her favorite restaurant. No one knew that every morning that he woke up he cursed himself for everything he'd done. No one knew how much he ached to just hold Lily in his arms. No one knew, and no one would ever know because they were all quick to discard the idea that maybe he _did _have emotions and fears and hopes just like everybody else. "Get the hell out." Harvey's voice now a mere whisper as he watched his associate settle a stack of files on the farthest end of the coffee table before leaving the office. He noticed Mike's gaze linger momentarily on Donna's old desk, questioning how it was possible for two people to hurt someone so deeply and continue on with their lives as if it had never occurred. "Get out…." Harvey tossed the baseball against a crystal lamp that had been placed on his mirrored desk. Shards of glass trickled down onto the white tile floor, the echo of each fragments rang in his ears. He ran his digits through his tresses as he took in the scene that was displayed before him. His life was as shattered as the lamp that was now laying on the floor. The realization that he was not the man he pretended to be hit him like a ton of brick. He didn't know where to begin piecing his life together.


	5. Regrets

Can I just say that you guys are amazing! Thanks for all the reviews and follows. You guys truly make my day!

I love that you guys have become just as invested in this story as I have xoxo.

I know this may not be exactly what some of you guys had In mind but don't worry I have a PLAN! Lol

I'm not just going blind on this, at least not for the next few chapters. You guys will see a softer side of Harvey here and gain a little more insight into just what they mean to each other.  
&Just a little note, the words that are in italic and in the middle during the flashback are song lyrics to the song Lily will mention :)

Fret not there will be a heated confrontation between the two but I needed there to be something that just made her _snap_ so that will come either next chapter or the one after. As for a possible Mike x Lily friendship, what do you guys think?

&this chapter's a little longer than the others. Do you guys prefer shorter chapters or longer ones? Let me know…

So, don't forget to tell me what you guys think! Comments, critiques, questions (all loved and gladly appreciated).

* * *

**Thinking About You**

Regrets collect like old friends here to relive your darkest moments.  
I can see no way, I can see no way.  
&all of the ghouls come out to play,  
&I've been a fool and I've been blind.  
I can never leave the past behind.  
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound.  
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground.  
So I like to keep my issues strong but it's always darkest before the dawn.

* * *

Lily stood at the base of the glass door, tracing with her index finger the name that had been etched on the crystal. A deep sorrow was beginning to penetrate the deepest parts of her. Everything was slipping from her control, she was powerless. _What the hell am I doing here?_ The question haunted her thoughts night and day. Every time she had a moment to think all Lily could do was reflect on the crippling state her life was in. Allowing her finger to slip from the cool surface she stared intensely at the metallic handle only inches away. _Harvey…. _The name of her ex-fiancé stung the tip of her tongue. She began debating whether or not it was the best moment to approach him. A part of her wanted to just be cordial, put everything in the past and start from scratch; pretending nothing had ever happened. But, there was a tiny voice in the back of her mind constantly reminding her of everything he did and it caused a rush of pain to surge through her veins.

Lily tapped on the glass door with her knuckles. The deep sound didn't bother the man that was looking out at the New York skyline. "Come in." His voice held a hint of bitterness and despair.

"The weather is perfect today. Too bad we're all trapped in here." _The weather? Seriously? You completely suck at small talk!_

The soft, familiar voice forced the indestructible Harvey Specter to turn immediately. He thought he was seeing a mirage, the idea of her being there, feet away was unfathomable. "What are you doing here?" It was as though time had stood still. All the features of her physical appearance that had captivated him all those years ago were magnified. Her hair was a sea of waves, delicately pulled into a loose ponytail with small wisps of hair framing her delicate face. The black dress hugged her every curve and caused Harvey's mind to wander to the long nights spent by her side, tracing her body with kisses and small nips. He wanted to close the gap between their frames but his body would not inch closer. He remained several feet away, his hands tucked into his trousers as the sunlight continued beaming down on his face.

The intensity of his gaze made Lily's skin feel hot, a tender shade of pink enveloping the skin across her cheeks. "Jessica needed some reinforcement reigning you in." A soft laugh escaped her lips as she ran her digits through her tresses. The sight of him took her breath away, any previous anger that had been coursing through her veins had vanished instantly. All she wanted in that very moment was to feel the warmth of his body, submerge herself in the scent of his cologne and run her fingers through his tresses. She wanted to feel his touch to know that he was real. Lily wanted to acknowledge every sentiment rushing through her bones. Lowering her orbs to the ground she filled her lungs with air in an attempt to stabilize her exalted breathing. "How've you been Harvey?" _A neutral topic: No attempt to pry open any old wounds. _

_I've been like shit. Beating myself every damn morning for everything that happened. _"I've been better." A faint smirk appeared at the corner of his lips as he attempted to mask the emotions surging through his mind. It took every ounce of will power for Harvey to not run to the tanned beauty, pushing her petite frame against the adjacent wall and feel the warmth of her lips against his.

"Yeah…" Lily took in every aspect of his office. It was just like the image he had painted in her mind several years ago whenever they discussed the day he would make Senior Partner. Black shelving encased the entirety of the wall opposite his gleaming desk. Countless vinyl records were neatly tucked into their corresponding shelf dependent on the genre, era and artist. On the windowsill were various sports memorabilia, no doubt thank you presents from the many athletes he had brought to the firm. She was proud of him, of everything he had managed to accomplish…without_ her._

"You're a lawyer now." It was more of a statement than a question. Harvey couldn't peel his eyes away from her as she watched the young woman make her way to the endless rows of records. Typically it would be seconds before a crude comment was destined to leave his lips but astonishingly the urge to reprimand any soul that dared to touch his collection quickly vanished. All he could do was watch intently as she ran her fingertips across the records, smiling occasionally whenever her eyes fell on a musical group she loved or furrowing her brows upon the realization that he listened to some rather strange music.

"I'm a lawyer now." There was a glow to Lily as she affirmed Harvey's previous statement. She was never the one to introduce herself as a lawyer or gloat about her accomplishment. Rather, she enjoyed keeping her credentials safely tucked away, like an amazing secret that only those lucky enough were given access to.

"I didn't- Why didn't you ever tell me you wanted to be a lawyer? I thought you were happy being-"

"A paralegal?" Lily's eyes widened as she saw one of her favorite albums. Pulling gently on the record she ran her hand across its surface. Taking in every color and prism that was splayed on the casing. "I _was_ happy Harvey, but I guess there came a point when I wanted to be more than just a sidekick." Making her way to the record player she carefully pulled out the vinyl disc and shut her eyes as "You'll Lose a Good Thing" by Barbara Lynn filled the room. She began swaying her hips in time with the saxophone that played the opening beats.

"You still have the same taste in music." He shook his head slightly and smiled as he watched Lily soaking in every single word that Barbara Lynn was singing.

"Hey, Barbara Lynn is a legend. Besides, you love my taste in music or else you wouldn't have that record there." She was right, of course she was. The moment he had made senior partner he had began scouring record stores and online auctions for every single record that reminded him of Lily. He'd purchased about two every week and had tucked them safely away amongst others that he enjoyed listening to while drowning himself in a glass of whiskey. There were those that couldn't fully understand why he had put so much time and effort into something so silly. Harvey never paid those people much attention. They simply didn't understand that every time he listened to those records he was transported to a different time. He would be brought back to the moments when he had swayed Lily across the dance floor at their favorite jazz club, or the moment they found out her brother had passed away or the night he had asked Lily to marry him. Harvey needed to relive those events, he was scared to ever forget a single moment he spent with her. Listening to her favorite music was his way to remember. It was a way to keep her close. "Do you remember all those time's you'd have me sit next you as we planned out what your office would look like once you finally made partner?"

"I remember…"He could picture the many afternoons they had spent on the terrace, watching as the afternoon hues melted into the darkness of night. Conversing about every single minute detail that would fill his office the day Jessica finally decided to name him a partner of the firm. Lily had always reminded him that he needed to have a wall to wall shelving unit for all his records as well as a place for all the various art works she had bought during her weekend visits to gallery auctions. "Does it look like we'd planned?"

"Hmmm….you forgot the pink wall though." A small laugh escaped her lips. "It looks beautiful. Better than anything I could have ever imagined. You've done good for yourself Mr. Specter." Lily was dumfounded by how easy it was to go back to her old ways with Harvey. There was no awkwardness, no long pauses that only lead to one of them wanting to crawl into the nearest hole. It was like they'd never been apart. Yet, that voice in her mind wouldn't allow herself to completely let this man back in again. Lily knew that the good moments with Harvey were amazing but it was those times of pain and disappointment that would never allow the young lawyer to go back. They could never have the same relationship again. The trust that had once existed had been shattered into millions of pieces.

"So have you. Jessica told me you've won more cases than I have in all my time here."

"Now, that's probably a bit of an exaggeration. I've…won the cases I needed to win and lost those that were better off having been lost." Pushing a strand of hand behind her ear she bit her lip gently as the closing phrase of the song lingered in the air for several moments. Out of the corner of her eye Lilt caught a glimpse of a handful of shards on the left hand side of Harvey's desk. Her mind lingered to the numerous explanations for what she was seeing yet all of them quickly melted away until she was left with only one: _He's upset Donna's gone._ Kneeling down to retrieve the baseball from the mound of glass she blew a small wave of air over its surface to remove any stray shards that could puncture her skin. "Mike told me you were a bit moody since Donna got fired. Honestly? I never took you for being an aggressive man."

Lily tossed him the baseball and quickly retreated to the opposite end of the room, her back resting against the stucco to support the weight of her frame. As he caught the ball Harvey could see a wall being raised, creating a larger rift between them. "It's not about Donna. Its-"

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I get it." Lily shrugged slightly. Walking over to the record player she removed the needle off the vinyl disk and placed it carefully back into its sleeve.

"Lil, it had nothing to do with Donna. I was…getting nagged by Jessica and Mike about why I'm such an asshole."

"They say the truth hurts." Staring blankly at the rows of shelving Lily tried to remember where exactly she had retrieved it from.

"Upper left."

Lily didn't bother offering Harvey a thank you instead she continued with her gaze locked on the many albums as she searched for another favorite. "So, Mike's the puppy? I remember when you used to be Jessica's pup. And now here you are, a man being sued for burying evidence. How the world turns." She could taste the bitterness on her tongue the moment the words escaped her. They would sting Harvey to the core, of that she was certain but a part of her didn't care. Any pain she could possibly inflict on him during their brief conversation would never amount to the hurt she had been forced to live through. "Barbara Mason…" She whispered gently under her breath and couldn't help but smile as the yellow cover shone against her orbs as she skimmed the various song titles that had been scribbled on the sleeve. Lily debated whether or not it was a good idea to play that particular record. The memories associated with it ignited the fire that she was trying so hard to put out. Inching slowly to the record player she held the vinyl record for Harvey to see it. "Where'd you find it?" Tears were beginning to scratch the surface and it took every ounce of strength for her to not buckle beneath the weight of her fatigued frame.

"A record store outside of Charlotte. Looked for it for two years."

"After I got home I played that song over and over. I just found myself smiling whenever I hear it and now…It just…." Lily tried to smile slightly to cover the pain she was feeling. She decided against playing the song, instead she laid the record carefully on the coffee table, her eyes lingering on it momentarily.

* * *

_flashback;….._

_I don't even know how to love you, Just the way you want me to…_

"Why are we here again?" Harvey tugged slightly at the black bow-tie that was wrapped tightly around his neck.

"Because, Harvey, you want to be a partner? _This _is what partners do. We go to charity functions." Jessica rolled her eyes at the young lawyer that was standing beside her. He was under the false assumption that being a part of a multimillion dollar firm was simply about winning cases and counting the commas in every check they cashed. What he failed to comprehend was that giving back was just as important as winning cases.

"What do you see?"

Harvey furrowed his eyebrows, "What do I see?" _A trick question?_ He was unsure how to answer, filling his lungs with air he began looking around the gallery floor. Various painting hung in every corner of the room, each with their own mind altering significance that Harvey failed to grasp. "I see a bunch of paint splatter on canvas and a handful of idiots that are eating up these bullshit explanations about the hidden meaning behind each piece of artwork."

"Those _idiots_ are some of the most powerful and wealthy people in New York. I'd watch my mouth if I were you." The tone behind Jessica's words warned Harvey not to overstep the clearly drawn out boundaries between them. Running a hand through her raven tresses she noticed on the opposite end of the room an acquaintance of hers. "Promise me you won't get into trouble."

"That's something I can't do." A smug smile crept onto the corner of his lips as he watched his boss nod slightly in his direction before retreating to the far end of the room.

"Would you like champagne miss?" The waiter lowered his tray just enough for Lily to reach. She took a sip from the flute and placed it between both of her hands, feeling the cool liquid against her skin. The waiter continued to hover over her, "Ummm…thank you for the champagne?" The young man eyed Lily curiously and pointed towards a gentleman that was standing in front of a Salvador Dali painting. "The gentleman over there would like to know if you'd care to join him." Harvey shifted slightly from side to side, his brows furrowing slightly as he attempted to understand what he was looking at.

"I'm sure he would. Tell him I'm not interested." Lily raised the flute towards Harvey and smirked before drifting off to the next painting that had caught her attention. Standing inches away from one of Salvador Dali's creations took Lily's breath away. Earth tones created the background of the masterpiece that slowly drifted into a muted sea of yellows near the foreground. The middle ground consisted of whites, blues, oranges and yellows that created the perfect outline of a man with a scepter in hand. Lily could feel a pair of eyes burning against her shoulder blades. Lowering her gaze a pair of shining patent leather dress shoes came into focus, she didn't have to bother to look the man in the eyes to know who it was. "Do I even know you?"

"No. But, by the end of the night we'll know each other a lot better."

Lily scoffed, "Do I look like a call girl to you?" Trying to ignore the fact that the man was inching closer towards her frame she locked her ochre hues on the painting once more, breathing in every brush stroke and smudge across its surface.

"I don't understand why people make such a big deal of this. Millions of dollars in art in this one room yet all I see is a bunch of paint on a canvas."

"Excuse me?" Folding her arms across her chest, a stream of ripples formed across the bust of the red satin gown she wore. "_This_ happens to be a breathtaking piece of art. It's Hermes, he finished it's creation in 1981. He was inspired by Greek mythology, a lot of that inspiration can be seen throughout various works. I mean look at the colors, the manner in which he had the ability to evoke a feeling within the viewer and capture your attention. Every time I look at it something new always catches my eye."

_ Yes, I'm ready to learn to fall in love, to fall in love, to fall in love with you…_

Harvey couldn't pull his gaze away from her lips, she spoke with such passion and authority. It made him want to see what she saw. There was an urge to delve into the deepest parts of her mind and discover all the things that made her tick. "Dance with me." Extending his hand out to the tanned beauty he smiled slightly, motioning for her to take his hand.

"I don't even know you. What makes you think I want to dance with you."

"I'm Harvey Specter. Now that we know each other dance with me."

A soft laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head slightly. "You're ridiculous."

Harvey gently placed his hand against the small of Lily's back, the soft texture of the satin inviting him in.

"I didn't say yes." Lily cocked an eyebrow and placed a hand on Harvey's shoulder as she allowed him to intertwine his fingers through her left hand.

"You didn't say no either." His words brushed against the skin across her ear, sending a shudder down her spine. A gentle nod from Lily gave him permission to begin strolling her across the room.

"Ahhh the logic of a lawyer." A laugh managed to escape her as she felt herself twirl, the skirt of her dress billowing beneath her.

"I never told you I was a lawyer." The scent of lavender filled his senses as he skimmed his lips against the skin across her shoulder.

"And I never told you it was alright to kiss me." Tugging slightly at the hair at the nape of Harvey's neck she smiled coyly. "Everybody here is either a lawyer, doctor or entrepreneur and based on your cocky nature I just knew you had to be a lawyer."

_ I don't even know how to hold your hand, just to make you understand…_

"You're beautiful." His hands never strayed far from the base of her back instead he focused his eyes on her piercing orbs. They were a mixture of jade, yellow and brown: a true piece of art.

"Mmmm _and_ a smooth talker." Lily rested her head against his shoulder. The aroma of his cologne filling her senses with every breath she took. "But, I bet you tell that to all the woman you meet."

"Not all of them. Just you."

"What exactly do you want Mr. Specter? I'm pretty sure I'm not the type of girl you're used to associating yourself with. I don't sleep around with random guys."

"And that's why I want to know you, because you're different. Sometimes people need different." There was sincerity behind his words that served to pull the young woman closer.

"You don't even know my name." Her voice was hushed, almost a mere whisper.

"We have the entire night for me to get to know you."

Staring into his ochre hues Lily tried to sift through all his words and praises. Looking at him it was difficult to tell whether or not he was being truthful. Hearing men sing her praises was something she'd grown used to and had learned to ignore. At the end of the day all they wanted was one thing, it was the thing all men wanted: sex. Lily wasn't in the business of one night stands and she wasn't about to start, regardless of how good looking the man that was guiding her around the dance floor was. "I can't figure you out. Most guys have a tell. But, you…."

"Maybe it's because I'm not lying."

"Hmmmm _or_ maybe you're just real good at feeding girls your bullshit." Placing both her hands against Harvey's chest she could feel the outline of muscles beneath his tux. Pushing away any crude thoughts to the back of her mind Lily attempted to break free from his hold.

"Did you ever think that maybe I _don't_ want to sleep with you? What if all I want is to dance, talk about some stupid art I don't understand and take you out to dinner next Saturday night."

_ I don't even know how to kiss your lips at a moment like this…_

Lily parted her lips to respond but failed to piece together a coherent sentence. Tracing the outline of his slender lips Lily could feel a magnetic jolt urging her to inch closer. Begging her to close the gap between them. Their lips met in a warm embrace. Harvey could taste her lipstick on his tongue as he ran his digits through her raven tresses. Lily nipped his bottom lip slightly as she pulled away, her cheeks flushed a tender shade of pink. Neither of them uttered word. They simply stood there, taking in the moment and what had just occurred. The feeling that something world altering had just occurred pulsed through their veins. Harvey brushed his thumb against the warm skin on Lily's cheek, the coolness of his touch countering the heat that resonated from her frame. "And just so we're clear, not a one night stand…

A smile rose from the corner of his lips, "Not a one night stand."

_ Yes, I'm ready to fall in love, to fall in love, to fall in love right now…_

* * *

Pulling himself away from the windowsill Harvey made his way to the young woman. Running his cool digits along her unblemished cheek he couldn't help but analyze every detail of her face. It was delicate and precious, a mask to hide all the pain brewing within her veins. "I'm sorry…" The words softly grazed the skin against her jaw.

The coolness of his hands on her skin sent a wave down her spine. She was uncertain of what her emotions were at that very moment. A part of her wanted to push him against the adjacent wall but the other side wanted to remain standing there, allowing him to brush his fingers against her skin. Looking into his ochre hues she could feel herself drowning under his gaze. Lily's rhythmic breathing was quickly disrupted at the feel of his hands crawling up her neck, brushing away the stray raven tresses behind her shoulder. Trying to regain her composure she spoke in a hushed tone. "You have no idea how long I'd been waiting to hear that. But,…it's not enough. Not anymore." The iciness in her voice was matched by the blankness in her eyes.

Harvey traced the outlines of her red stained lips, ignoring her previous statement. The world was quite, there were no troubles or past conflicts between them. It was just him and her: all the other bullshit didn't apply in that very moment. He wanted her. He just wanted to kiss her lips and taste her on his tongue. "I should have done things differently." Allowing his hands to slip to her chest Harvey placed a hand gently over her heart. His hand moved along with the rising and falling of Lily's breathing.

Brushing his hand away a sense of surprise overcame her at the facility in which he complied with the rejection of his touch. "_Should_. You _should_ have done a lot of things Harvey, but what good does that do now?" She didn't inch away from him, feeling his breath against her cheek every time he inhaled or spoke in his low silky voice.

"Do you still love me?" His eyes roamed her face in search of the answer he was waiting to hear. His hand crept up to her face once more, his thumb brushing gently against her cheek causing Lily to shut her eyes yet again. The feel of his hands sent her mind racing, he had the ability to awaken a desire long buried away.

"That's not fair. You can't just ask me that. Not after all this…." She needed to distance herself from him. Standing so close sent her mind racing, telling her to wrap her arms around him and never let go. Moving to the opposite end of the room Lily placed her hands on the windowsill for support. A moment more of staring into his piercing ochre hues and she was sure she'd crumble. "I….it's not that simple Harvey." Listening as a pair of footsteps crept towards her Lily could feel her stomach churning with a mixture of sadness and rage. Shutting her eyes tightly the scent of his cologne quickly enveloped her senses as soon as he was standing behind her, his hands cradled around her waist.

"I love you." His icy voice brushed her ear with every word he uttered.

"Don't. Don't say it just because you think it's something I need to hear."

Spinning her around Lily felt light headed by the feel of his eyes burning into her soul. "What do you need me to say?"

"Nothing….I don't _need_ you to say anything. It's too late for that now."

"Lily…" Resting his forehead against hers Harvey could feel disgust begin to seep into his veins. It was an odd thing, for a woman to hold the ability to break him down so easily. Had it been any other time or any other person he would have walked away without giving it a moments thought but that's not what he wanted. He couldn't walk away from her, not again. Harvey needed Lily to be in his life, to be the central force that kept his entire life in alignment.

"Did you burry that memo Harvey?" Any loving expression was nowhere to be found across her delicate face. She hated herself for having to ask the question but essentially that was the real reason she was in his office. It hadn't been to reminisce about their past or to try and mend their broken relationship, her job was to save him from getting disbarred and sent to jail. It was a question she needed him to answer.

"Do you think I did." Lily placed a hand gently at the nape of his neck, brushing his hair slowly with the tips of her fingers. Looking into his hues there was a gentility she hadn't seen in a very long time, they beckoned for her to inch closer, to utter that she believed him, trusted him. They wanted her love.

_No…I could never believe you did…_"I…It doesn't matter what I believe. The only thing that holds any weight are facts."

"Then why does it matter what I say? You're supposed to prove my innocence whether or not I did it." Harvey pulled away from her, in his eyes the pained expression brought to life by her words.

"You're right. My job's to make sure you don't get hauled off to jail. I'll be waiting for you in my office tomorrow morning Mr. Specter so we can go over some crucial points for the mock trial we'll be having." They were back to being client and lawyer. Any familiarity that had been conjured during the early portion of their conversation was now buried in the ground. The distance between them was greater than once before. "Oh and don't forget to tell your old secretary she needs to be here as well. And remind her not to do anything stupid that might hurt your case in court like oh I don't know…shredding documents." All he could do was watch as Lily disappeared out of his office. How things had gotten any worse he was unsure. They had been good together, the majority of their conversation revolving around their past and all the things they loved about one another. But now, all he could see in her eyes was indifference. Harvey felt defeated and hurt, not sure what he could possibly do to get back to Lily's good graces. Walking over to the coffee table he allowed his gaze to settle on the Barbara Mason record, all the memories flooding back into his mind. Running his hands across it's surface he looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep all the bubbling emotions at bay. Placing the vinyl disk on the record player he lowered the needle gently and closed his eyes tightly as the beginning notes of Lily's favorite song filled the room.

_ I don't even know how to love you just the way you want me to…_


	6. Silver Key

Thanks for all the reviews and follows. You guys truly make my day!

I love that you guys have become just as invested in this story as I have xoxo.

A lot of you guys said you'd like to see a friendship between Lily x Mike so I gave you guys a small taste of what _will_ blossom into a full fledged friendship.

This chapter is a lot longer than the others I've posted and I know at times it may seem like a lot of unnecessary mumbo jumbo but I promise you it serves as a jumping off point for the next chapter where we'll see a feisty Lily confront both Harvey and Donna.

When I finished this chapter I kind of felt like I crammed waaaaay too much stuff together. Was it too much unnecessary crap for you guys? lol

I've planned out what I want to cover in the next three chapters so if you guys have anything you'd like to see feel free to tell me and I will attempt to incorporate it into the story!

So, don't forget to tell me what you guys think! Comments, critiques, questions (all loved and gladly appreciated).

* * *

**Thinking About You.**

So I cross my heart and I hope to die

That I'll only stay with you one more night.

Baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you

Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go

But I'll only stay with you one more night.

* * *

The muted darkness caused Pearson Hardman to look more like a desolate village rather than an all powerful empire. All the lights within Lily's makeshift office were turned on to their highest setting to make up for the lack of light that shone through the floor length windows. A mixture of southerly winds and cloud coverage had enveloped the entirety of the New York skyline. Any breathtaking characteristics were subdued by the gloom and despair that was given off by the weather. The cloud covered sky expressed every emotion that Lily was unwilling to voice. She felt lost and enraged. But, most of all she felt defeated. It had taken every ounce of strength, and countless cups of coffee, to motivate the young lawyer to leave the confines of her hotel room. All she wanted to do was collapse against the gleaming desk, allowing the cool surface to awaken her senses and bring back to life the limp body she felt trapped inside of. Running her digits across the keyboard of her laptop she opened one of the many windows that were splayed across her screen. Raising the volume of the speakers several decibels her eyes began skimming through the never ending list of song titles before settling on her favorite. Tapping the cursor twice across the song Lily shut her eyes, allowing every note and phrase to drown the sorrow that coursed through her frame.

Instantly, Lily could feel the tension in her neck be eased by the words Florence Welch uttered in the song _Shake It Out_. "I like to keep my issues strong. It's always darkest before the dawn…." She began singing under her breath, making sure no passerby's could hear her lack of musical abilities. Retrieving a case file that had been left on her desk the previous afternoon she began taking mental notes of Jessica's requests for the jury that should be assigned to Harvey during the mock trial. Had she not known the plaintiff first hand Lily would have believed they were about to reenact a murder case rather than a suit to accuse a man of having committed fraud. "Seriously…." Tossing the grey folder to the side she let out an exasperated sigh. The list of demands was outrageous, far too demanding and meticulous to have been created by the pen of Jessica Pearson. "Harvey…." Lily shook her head and a smile couldn't help but form across her lips. "You're unbelievable…" It had to be. Who else would create a list of names, ages and physical characteristics of all the people they deemed acceptable to sit as the ultimate deciders of their fate if none other than Harvey Specter. "Regrets collect like old friends…but I like to keep something's to myself…." The song lyrics rolled off of Lily's tongue as she returned her attention to the plethora of emails she had managed to receive between the time she left the office the previous afternoon and the moment she had stepped her Jimmy Choo's on the tile floor that morning.

Skimming the rather large email from the managing partner of the firm Daniel Hardman she could easily piece together the puzzle pieces he had sent her. Daniel would serve as judge, Jessica was taking it upon herself to be Harvey's lawyer and Mike alongside Louis's guidance would be the plaintiffs. She was given the task to choose an unbiased jury that would determine the final outcome of the case. _Unbiased? Everyone in this entire firm has a bone to pick with Harvey…Can I just call in some outside sources? _Lily didn't bother to responding to the email, even if she did what was she going to say. _"Okay thanks for the info? I had no idea you were going to do everything possible to tear apart Harvey's character in front of the entire firm…" _Yes, it was a bit sarcastic but that was the root of this whole mock trial. Daniel's diabolic plan was to prove in front of everyone that Jessica was incapable of wrangling in Harvey and that he was collateral damage. Someone they needed to rid themselves of if they wanted to maintain their pristine reputation. Meanwhile, Jessica was going to use the trial as an opportunity to clear Harvey's name in front of the entire firm. The partners needed to see Harvey as a person with feelings, hopes and aspirations instead of the usual persona he depicted on an every day basis. Lily's job? She needed to group together a handful of people that had a disposition to create an emotional attachment with people. Tugging on their heartstrings would be the only way to ensure that Harvey was cleared of all the charges. At least cleared during the firms trial, managing to attain the same outcome in an actual trial against Tanner would be an entirely different feat.

A loud pang echoed throughout the conference room signaling the presence of who Lily believed to be another one of the various paralegals that found themselves entering and exiting the room as they pleased.

"You can just leave the case files over there." Lily didn't bother looking up from the computer screen.

"Hey, to you too." Mike waves meekly, never moving an inch from the door-frame.

"Aren't you part of the opposition?" She smiled playfully and motioned for the associate to make his way inside and shut the door as he did so.

"Hmmmm am I?" The moment he stepped foot within the conference room he could easily make out the difference between the atmosphere outside the crystal door and the warmth that was exuded solely by the presence of the young lawyer sitting opposite him. There was nothing spectacular about the large space, it was a replica of every other conference hall found throughout the confines of the firm. What set that room apart was the fact that music was gently playing in the background, a soft vanilla scent lingered in the air and there was just something that drew you in. You felt comfortable and at peace the moment you set foot inside.

Lily crouched her body down and signaled for Mike to inch closer. "I know you're Louis' boy." She whispered before pushing the young man away.

"You want to know what I want don't you?" He rubbed his shoulder and mocked the young lawyer, agonizes over the faux pain he was currently under.

"That'd be a good place to start." Lily folded her arms across her chest, creating a small ripple of wrinkles beneath the crisp white button down she had tucked neatly into a pair of black trousers.

"Well…you're a baker, a woman of mystery _and_ singer? What's next, closeted philanthropist?"

"What can I say. I'm a jack of all trades master of none."

Her laugh washed over the associate and allowed him a small grain of insight into why she was Harvey's greatest weakness. Yes, she was physically striking: piercing ochre orbs, long brunette waves and soft olive skin. But there was much more to her than that. Mike could see a softness behind her hues that allowed anyone that approached her to feel safe and at ease. "How are you holding up?"

She eyed him curiously, "uhuh…no prying into my personal life. Didn't Harvey teach you anything? It's not nice to play dirty Mr. Ross …especially not with this."

"I wasn't prying anything. But, I mean if there's anything you'd like to tell me and it just _happens_ to help me with my case…."

"You do know my job is to _defend_ Harvey right?" Lily reached for the small silver trinket around her neck and repositioned it, the coolness of the metal awakening her tired muscles slightly. "And for the record, I'm doing perfectly fine."

"Bullshit." Mike stated matter-of-factly.

"You are very lippy for someone that's just an associate. Didn't anyone ever teach you to respect your elders?"

"You do know it's my _job_ to break the opposition right?"

"Cute." Lily ran her digits through her tresses and closed her laptop. Her eyes drifting between her hands and the knot of Mike's tie. "Off the record? I'm feeling like shit."

"So is Harvey…What exactly happened between you two?"

"That's a long story, one that either Harvey or I may or may not ever tell you." _Ugh! I really need to reply to those stupid emails. Jessica's going to have my head if I don't bring her a feasible list of jury members for tomorrow…._

"Honestly, this whole mock trial thing aside. Are you okay?"

"I barely know you Mr. Ross and there's no such thing as 'this whole mock trial thing aside'. You're Harvey's understudy and the moment I tell you _anything_ you're going to go and divulge it to Harvey or use it as arsenal with Louis in court later today. So….get out of my office. I'm a very busy woman." Lily smiled to show Mike that she wasn't truly aggravated with him but he did need to understand that she was much smarter than him, any idea that came to his mind Lily had already forethought it.

Rising from the upholstered chair Mike hovered over the tanned lawyer momentarily. "I don't agree with what Harvey did. I admire him as a lawyer, but he's an idiot for what he did…"

"Yeah…well, it's too late now to fix it." Meeting his gaze Mike could see the brokenness Lily tried so hard to mask. "Umm…do you happen to know if Donna's here yet? I need to brief her on the do's and don'ts of answers questions while on the stand."

"As far as I know she's not here. I didn't think she'd even show up, but do you want me to go ask and tell you what I find out?"

"No. That's fine. I'll just…wait and see if she shows up."

"I can try calling her. Or ask Harvey to-"

"Nope, I'm a big girl Mike I can solve my own problems."

'So…do you still want me to leave or are we engaging in a formal conversation?"

"Out." Lily pointed to the door and cocked her head slightly, a smile forming at the corner of her pink stained lips. "You know, since you're so worried about my well being you _could_ go and bring me a cup of coffee."

Mike released a soft laugh, "Hmmmm I'm not _that_ concerned about your health." She watched as his figure disappeared down the hallway, making his way to Harvey's office no doubt. Pulling open the laptop once more she focused her attention back to the endless list of messages she needed to read at the most and respond to at the very least. Releasing an exasperated sigh Lily opened the most recent message from Jessica and chose to ignore the others. The moment the email opened she looked down at her silver plated wrist watch. _9:45.…I have an hour and fifteen to prep…ugh!_ Jessica wanted to have a sit down with her along with Harvey to go over all the details for tomorrow. Opening a new word document the young lawyer thought it was best to create a preliminary list of possible candidates for the jury. The only problem with that task was the simple fact that Lily could no longer attach a face to a name when it came to the employees of Pearson Hardman. It had been five years for Pete's sake. A lot of new personal had been employed and many others had been let go. "Looks like I have to go on a recon mission." Tugging on a drawer to the far left of the desk she pulled out a small notepad and a black tip pen to jot down some names. Making sure to lock her laptop Lily lingered in the doorway for a moment, watching associates and paralegals alike scouring through the halls like infantry men through the rainforest. Tapping the pen across the coral cover of the notepad she contemplated which direction to go. _Which people would dislike Harvey the least?_ Now that was a mission she might not come out alive from. Everyone in the firm disliked the senior partner, finding someone who could put aside that hatred was going to be difficult.

Lily could feel the heat of dozens of spectators against her skin as she glided down every hallway throughout the firm. Whenever a particular soul caught her attention she would jot down their name and what branch they worked in. There were several occasions when a curious passerby would inch close, whispering below their breath "What are you doing?" Without even bothering to meet their gaze she would respond simply, "Making a list for Jessica of who to fire. Want me to add you on to it?" And almost as if on cue, they would back away slowly and search for the nearest person to retell what the young lawyer had just stated. It had taken all of thirty minutes to create a list ample enough to discard the few that had a deeply rooted problem with Harvey and keep those that had barely ever come in contact with the senior partner.

Tucking the pen across the spiraling binding of the notepad she placed the list into the pocket of her flared trousers. _Forty-five minutes to kill…great…_ Usually, this would call for a meeting in her best friends office where they would discuss the latest gossip or divulge anything that needed to be expelled from their chests. Thousands of miles away from home that wasn't even a considerable option. Yes, she knew various people in the firm but none of them inspired any trust in her. Everyone in Pearson Hardman had hidden agendas, they'd listen to her with an open heart only to later use that information as blackmail to achieve what they wanted. "You need coffee…almost forgot." Forgetfulness, one of the many bad character traits she had been unable to overcome. Lily was the type of person that craved something so powerfully she could taste it on the tip of her tongue but the moment something else caught her attention she would just forget about the thing she had been obsessing about moments ago. Now that she had reminded herself about the lack of coffee in her system there was an urgency that traveled through her bones, crying out for the taste of caffeine.

Rounding the corner to the small lounge, she pulled on the coffee maker and retrieved a clean mug from the pantry. Dropping two small sugar cubes into the depths of the porcelain container she watched intently as they dissolved the instant the hot liquid touched their surface. The sweet smell of hazelnut filled her lungs with every breath she took, easing the long awaited need of caffeine instantly. Feeling the hot liquid skimming her lips she blew air lightly over the surface, creating small ripples. Deciding she could no longer ignore the ache that her body felt for caffeine she took a large gulp, the bitterness quickly awakening any sleeping fibers in her petite frame. Lily placed the mug on the counter and hopped onto the marble countertop, moving each foot back and forth she enjoyed the sight of her feet dangling above the tiled floor. Placing the mug between her hands the warmth made her feel happy. It reminded her of long Winter nights spent decorating the Christmas tree as various Michael Buble songs played in the background.

"Hey, you're Lily right?" A tall girl with golden brown hair uttered as she retrieved a mug from the counter.

"Yeah. And you are….?"

"Rachel, Rachel Zane. I'm a paralegal here." She extended her hand out and Lily shook it firmly before placing her hand back against the warm surface of the mug. "You've created quite a ruckus out there. Everyone thinks they're going to be fired."

Lily shrugged and tried very hard to hold the laugh that wanted to escape her lips. The feel of the coffee slithering down her throat sent a warmth all across her body. She finally felt at ease. "Maybe just a _few. _Gossip around here spreads like wild fire."

"Tell me about it. You let one tiny thing slip and before lunch everyone at the firm had received some distorted version of the truth."

"It's like playing Telephone. No one can ever deliver news the exact same way they heard it. They always need to add something extra to make it more interesting."

Rachel nodded in agreement and pulled out a small metal chair, settling into the seat and looking up at the new lawyer who resembled in that moment a child more than a grown adult. It was a bit of a paradox: she was wearing a crisp white button down, a pair of black trousers that flared at the hem, black Jimmy Choos that glistened under the fluorescent lighting and soft waves that skimmed the small of her back. Yet, she was sitting on the countertop, her feet not even close to touching the ground every time she kicked each foot back and forth. The manner in which she held her beverage reminded Rachel of all the times she had sat in front of the fireplace, wrapped in the warmth of her footy pajamas waiting for Santa Clause to slide down the chimney. "So you're here to defend Harvey? Do you think he has a good chance of coming out of this Scot-free?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I hope everything goes our way but jury's are tricky. The moment they find one thing they don't like about Harvey they'll over analyze it and won't be able to see anything other than that one flaw."

"You mean like the fact that he's a self-absorbed, conceited, money grubbing, asshole?" Rachel didn't even blink as she spoke. _Good thing I didn't put you on the jury like Harvey had suggested…_

"Something like that…"

"How can you defend a guy like that? I mean who in their right mind would find him likable?"

"You'd be surprised." Lily raised her mug in Rachel's direction in a mock toast manner before taking another sip.

"You mean…you and-…really? Why?"

"I guess it's the same reason you have a thing for Mike."

"Mike and I don't have a thing we…" Lily had a stern look etched across her face. "How'd you know?"

"I over heard him talking about it and it kind of made sense. He seems like an alright kid. Very lippy to his elders but sweet none the less."

"Yeah, I thought he was sweet. But then he ended up breaking up with me out of nowhere and no matter how much I pressed him about it he wouldn't tell me why."

"You don't need a guy. Trust me. For a very long time I based my happiness off of someone else and thought that by helping him achieve all his goals and dreams I'd feel fulfilled. But really? It just made me feel emptier. You have to prove to yourself that you can do things on your own before you allow someone else to come in to your life."

"It's just hard. Having to look at someone you have feelings for but not being able to just walk up to them and say "I love you" or having to turn away whenever they walk by because you can't bear smelling the cologne that lingers in the air after they leave."

"Trust me Rachel, it gets _a lot_ easier after a while. Before you know it the only times you think of that person are when someone brings up their name and even when that happens the jolt of anger you used to feel is just a small pinch."

"I hope so."

"You really like Mike don't you?" Placing the empty mug into the sink several feet away she could here the loud clanking echoing in her ears.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Well, that short monologue you gave me about his cologne lingering in the air was soooo _not_ obvious." Hopping off of the counter, Lily checked the heel of her stilettos to make sure they were still intact. "I should probably get going. I need to come up with a plan to defend that 'self-absorbed, conceited, money grubbing, asshole'." A playful smile appeared at the corner of her lips.

"Don't tell him I said that." Rachel bit her bottom lip, a look of concern washing over her face.

"I won't mention your name but I can't say I won't tell him the description some woman at this firm associate with him." Looking down at her wrist watch she noticed she only had ten minutes before she had to meet with Jessica. The walk alone to her office was five minutes. Pulling the small notepad from her back pocket she quickly crossed out the names of those who wouldn't be appropriate and was thankful she had some pretty decent typing skills.

Harvey was dreading having to go and sit down in the same room as the two woman who held total power over him. Jessica would be able to sense that something was wrong the moment she watched him interact with Lily. She would yell at him for having screed things up even more and question whether or not he was seeing the seriousness of what was occurring. Harvey looked down at his watch, _11:00 AM_ _they'll be here any minute_. Almost as if on cue the slightest whiff of floral perfume filled his blood stream. He didn't bother looking up certain that Jessica was trailing not far behind. The feel of a hand laying softly against his shoulder caused the senior partner to finally meet the gaze of his boss.

"I'm surprised to see you here early. I was just telling Lily that you'd end up strolling in during the last five minutes of the meeting."

"I am _always_ on time."

"If I remember correctly you were late to your own party where we celebrated you becoming senior partner."

"I was closing a client and if _I _remember correctly that brought in a large amount of capital into this firm."

"Children can we continue with this meeting or are you two going to be bickering the entire time?" Lily pulled out a small metal chair and placed the list of names on the table. She cocked her eye brow and motioned for Jessica to take a seat next to Harvey.

"Of course. So, what kind of jury would you pick?"

"Actually, I already did. You need men." Lily stated matter-of-factly as she slid the condensed list to Jessica.

"That's a mistake. Women love me." A smirk formed at the corner of his lips.

"Really? Because I showed them your photo and they described you as arrogant, conceited, cocky, self-absorbed…oh, and arrogant again." She looked at Jessica for some type of support in her statement but received none. Instead the managing partner simply slid the last back to her several names crossed out in red pen. _What the hell is wrong with the people I picked?…_

'What about handsome?"

"Did I not mention arrogant?"

"It's not bragging if its true."

"Yes, it is." Jessica smiled playfully at Harvey causing Lily's blood to boil. _Is no one taking this seriously?_

"_Yes, _it is." She glared momentarily at Jessica quickly wiping away the smile that had been across her face only moments before.

"Most of those people on that list won't work."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because they all have a bone to pick with Harvey."

"Everyone in this damn firm has a bone to pick with him." She made sure to look directly at Harvey the moment she uttered the sentence. Searching for any sense of emotion across his face she was found with a painted look of indifference. Stretching his hand Harvey retrieved the list from the table and skimmed the names, his eyes darting back and forth between his ex-fiancé and his mentor.

"The list is fine. Besides, even if they _do_ vote against me at least we'll be better prepared for court."

Jessica let out a sigh and nodded in agreement, "So, what's the game plan?"

"We have to prove that regardless of the hatred that most people feel towards him they can't fathom the concept of Harvey having buried that document. You need to show a different side of yourself."

"Pretending that I care isn't going to make this whole thing go away. Your job is to dig up evidence to _prove_ I didn't do anything wrong."

"A side where you're not such an asshole..." Lily shook her head in disbelief. "I'll meet with you in your office later today Jessica so we can go over the plan for tomorrow."

"So, I just wasted my time here. This meeting was very enlightening." Harvey placed his hands on the armrests and began sliding the seat away from the table.

"Sit your ass down Harvey." Lily rose from her seat and shoved the senior partner back into his chair. She slid onto the table, crossing her legs and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she analyzed Harvey. "My job is to defend you. No more of your sarcasm and bullshit, you'll do as I say. If I tell you to show some vulnerability you'll go an cry on that damn stand. If I tell you to stop being such a cocky bastard you'll tone down your sarcasm and won't talk back when you're being questioned. If I tell you to keep your mouth shut you'll just sit there and look pretty. Are we clear?" The final straw had snapped. She was no longer in the mood to put up with his smart comments and lack of respect. He failed to comprehend that she was doing everything in her power to protect him and make sure he came out scratch free from all of it. Yet, instead of thanking her or easing the process he chose to question every move she made. "Are we clear?"

"We're clear." Harvey uttered between gritted teeth.

"Good." Picking up the list of names from the table she folded it into fourths and made a mental note to hand out summons requests later that afternoon. Her heels clicked against the tile as she gravitated towards the glass door, slamming it loudly as she exited the conference room.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Placing a hand under his chin Jessica forced Harvey to look at her. The iciness that was conveyed in her orbs caused the senior partner to feel more ashamed about his current situation.

"Why do you always assume I did something?"

"Because that girl left this room fuming. You tried to fix the mess you made five years ago didn't you?" Harvey parted his lips but couldn't manage to create a defense. "How many times have I told you not to poke the bear?"

"I didn't poke the bear. Things were fine then out of nowhere everything went to shit."

"Have you noticed that lately _everything_ you do goes to shit?"

"I _have_ noticed! Of course I've noticed. Have _you_ noticed that the only chance I have of not going to jail rests on this stupid mock trial because you've been out of the game for so damn long."

"Don't you dare put the blame on me. No one else in this entire firm or any other firm for that matter would have touched your case. You want to know why? Because I'm the only one that actually believes you're innocent!" She ran her fingertips through her raven tresses in an attempt to settle all the emotions that were begging to break free.

"What do you need me to do?" His voice was gritty and tired.

"I don't care how much it pisses you off you _will_ listen to Lily. She's the only one that clean up the mess you made." Jessica rose from the seat, hovering over Harvey before finally releasing an exasperated sigh. "Don't go trying to fix things on your own, because without a mediator you'll end up losing that girl for good."

"Fine."

For the next few minutes Harvey couldn't even move. _What the hell just happened?…_ Every day that went by things got worse and worse. Instead of sorting their differences and talking about what happened like two civilized people they were resorting to yelling and sarcastic remarks. He just needed to approach her in a different setting, in a place that didn't hold any sentimental value for either of them. Yes, Jessica had advised him not to take things into his own hands but everything else felt like it was slipping away from his grasp, this was the only thing he felt he had some control over.

* * *

Walking into the bullpen created a mixture of emotions for the young lawyer. It reminded her of a time when things had seemed so simple. Harvey was starting off his career and would spent countless hours submerged beneath stacks of case files with Louis at his side offering a friendly word of encouragement. How things had changed. Now Harvey held the coveted title of senior partner and served as Jessica's right hand man while Louis was left in the shadows, envious of all the privileges his old peer now basked in. Inching into the hollowed ground Lily couldn't help but smile as she watched various associated frantically flipping through reference books to double check that their findings were correct. The tousled tresses of the young man she was searching for caught her attention immediately. Hovering over his cubicle Lily made sure not to create too much noise. Mike had a pair of headphones permanently stuck in his ears, a grey folder laying in his lap as he jotted down notes on a notepad that was stretched across his desk. There were no personal touches on his desk: no childhood photos, no birthday cards. It was a replica of all the other cubicles that were sprawled across the room.

Lily tugged on his left headphone and smiled coyly at the young man. "Please tell me you weren't listening to Justin Bieber."

"Hey, I happen to think he is a _very_ good looking guy." Mike removed the right headphone from his ear as he returned his phone back to it's idle screen. He looked up at her curiously, his mind instantly wondering why she was at his cubicle. Lily didn't offer any clues, she wasn't holding anything in her hands except for a few envelopes he assumed were summons. Postal duties were typically left to the mail boy of the firm so he was pretty sure she wasn't there to ask him to hand out the invoices. Mike watched as Lily rounded the corner of his cubicle and sat down on the only clutter free patch on his desk.

"So…I kind of need your help with something."

"I thought you said you were a big girl and didn't need my help."

"Really? Are you sure I'm the one that said that?" Lily smiled sweetly and took his iPhone from the desk.

"Hmmm well she was pretty short, had brown hair and was wearing black trousers and a white button down…oh look you match the description."

"Have you considered a career as a detective?" Lily slid her index finger across the screen but found herself staring at the number pad that asked for the unlock code. Holding the phone out in front of Mike's face she motioned for him to plug in the respective code.

"It's my birthday, just FYI." Punching in the four numbers he watched as the main screen came to life, an image of him as a small child set as the background. Handing the phone back to Lily he noticed the small smile that formed across her pink stained lips as she noticed the image.

"Right, because I just so happen to know when that is. You were such a cute little boy, what happened?" She had always had an obsession at looking through people's phones. Well, not so much looking _through_ their phones as it was scrolling up and down their contacts list. Watching as the names melted in either direction served to distract her mind from the things that bothered her.

"I don't know. My grammy asks me that all the time." Mike tossed the file that had been resting on his lap onto the massive stack of miscellaneous paper work he needed to get through. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"Umm…I need you to convince Donna to come in tomorrow so I can prep her for the trial."

"I'm the opposition remember? My job is to _bury_ Harvey."

"I know that's your _job_ but I also know that you care about him and if you guys question Donna without me having prepped her Harvey's not gonna be the only one that comes out hurt in the end."

Mike nodded and understood what she was implying, "I've tried calling her but she keeps dodging my calls."

"Then go and pay her a visit. Leave a note on her door…I don't know, just do whatever it takes."

"What's going to happen when she does take the stand?"

"Nothing good can come of it but she plays a central role in everything. She's the one that shred that piece of evidence…we're in this mess because of her…"

"I'll look for her okay?"

"Thanks." She managed to form a small smile before lowering her gaze back onto the phone. "Text me if you happen to convince her." Pressing down on the screen she punched in her cell phone number and looked over at the associate. "Come here." Patting her hand against the sheets of paper that were scattered on the desk she signaled for Mike to sit next to her.

"If this cubicle breaks I'm blaming you."

"Just shut up and sit down next to me."

Mike sat on the edge of the desk only inches away from Lily. The scent of her floral perfume lingered in the air as she scooted closer to him. Holding the phone in the air she looked at their reflection in the screen. "One…two…three." A low shutter clicked and their image was saved in his photo album. Lily retrieved the image and set it as her default picture. "Thanks for helping me with this." Handing Mike back his phone she hopped off the desk, her heels making a loud thump as they hit against the tile.

"I'll let you know if I find her."

Lily placed a hand against his shoulder and nodded in agreement. "I should go and hand out these summons." Waving the white envelopes in the air she began walking down the narrow aisle that separated the cubicles from each other.

"You do know there's a mail boy for that right?"

"I know. I just prefer to hand them out personally that way they can't say they didn't receive it. Don't forget to text me okay?"

"I won't." Mike slid off of his desk and plopped down onto his leather upholstered chair. Skimming the words that were scratched on the case file his mind could no longer process the information. Unlocking the main screen of his phone Mike scrolled through his endless list of contacts and pressed down on Donna's name. He held the phone up to his ear, a low pitched dialing tone echoing every three seconds. _At least her phone is on this time…._But, the call went straight to her voicemail. He pressed his thumb against the red _End Call_ button and shoved the phone into the pocket of his black trousers. There was simply no way he would be able to get any work done especially after having promised Lily he would make sure to convince Donna to show up the following morning. Grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair he slid his arms into the folds of the suit and pressed out any wrinkles that had formed. He needed to find Donna. Where in the hell she was at that very moment he wasn't entirely sure but he knew that she would have to go home eventually and when she did he'd be there to greet her.

* * *

Looking down at the two summons requests whose respective owner she had been unable to find Lily couldn't help but feel defeated. Did he really not see that all she wanted was the best for him. She was putting her reputation, her name and her heart all out on the table to make sure he didn't get sent to prison. _Donna…_ The name infiltrated her thoughts instantly. It was as though she couldn't think of Harvey without his red headed secretary seeping into her mind. The change of thought served to remind the young lawyer that Donna had failed to appear for the meeting. There was no telling what Louis would throw her way and she needed to prepare the secretary for any and all possible questions. The most logical concept would be that the opposition would associate Donna having shred the memo because of the undying love and appreciations he felt towards Harvey. Lily's job was to make sure that didn't happen. She needed to divert all attention away from Harvey and love affairs or else their entire case would crumble into a million pieces.

She had assigned the task of tracking down the redhead to Mike. He inspired her confidence and she knew very well that his loyalty to Harvey was something that would never falter. Lily pulled her brunette locks into a loose bun, several clumps of hair poking out from various directions but she didn't pay much attention to it. The work day was almost over and it wasn't like she had anyone she wanted to look especially beautiful for. Lily was already dreading having to come to work the following day. She was going to have to endure yet another stressful situation except this time much of what occurred would be out of her control. No matter how much time she spent prepping every single person that played a critical role in the trial there was no certainty in what they would actually end up doing once they were being questioned. The person that worried her the most was Harvey. He was a loose cannon, you poked the wrong buttons and he was sure to explode in front of the entire firm. Donna? She was a completely different problem. It was likely she'd plead the fifth and avoid answering any questions that were thrown her way but doing so would also cause a problem. There was just certain information she _needed_ to divulge in order to save Harvey's ass. _Why are these people so impossible?….._

A soft knock on her door caused Lily to settle her gaze on the far end of the room. Almost as if he had been reading her thoughts there was his silhouette lingering outside conference room's door. Raising a hand in the air she waved him into the room, letting him know it was alright to enter. "What is it Harvey?"

"We need to talk." He didn't bother to take a seat instead he stood several feet away from her desk, his hands tucked into his Burberry trousers.

"You made it perfectly clear you don't need my advice."

"I made reservations at Nobu for tonight."

"Harvey, I think we've done enough fighting let's not have another full blow argument on the eve of your mock trial."

"I'll be waiting for you there at 8."

"Seriously, I don't think it's a good -"

"It's just dinner Lil. There'll be no arguing, no bickering , hell we don't even have to talk if you don't want to. It'll just be two people enjoying Japanese cuisine."

"I…"

"You don't have to show up. But, I'll be there just in case you change your mind." Harvey placed a folded sheet of paper on the far end of her desk. He stared at it momentarily before walking out of the conference room without uttering another word. Lily watched him walk down the hallway still completely baffled by what had just occurred. Settling her ochre hues on the scrap of paper he had left she bit her bottom lip gently, _Do I really want to know what's on that paper? _Shaking her head Lily wanted to beat herself up for being such a curious person . Stretching her left arm out to retrieve the note she unfolded it carefully and was faced with a multitude of feelings. A small silver key had been tucked carefully into one of the folds. Running her index finger across it's cool surface she couldn't help but feel confused. _Okayy…slightly strange…._

The small manuscript writing across the folded paper read:

_All you have to do is text Ray your address and he'll pick you up at your hotel. As for the key, there's a small drawer on the right hand side of my desk you'll find something that belongs to you. If you decide to wear it I'll know where you stand in all of this…._

_- Harvey._


	7. Let The Story End

Thanks for all the reviews and follows. You guys keep the inspiration flowing!

I know I keep prolonging the mock trial and Lily going all bad-ass on Donna but I kinda felt that it was necessary to establish a few more things before all that happens.

As you can see, Mike is sticking up for Lily and going against his old BFF, Donna but I think it's kinda adorable.

I wasn't to sure if I was happy with where this whole chapter was headed. To be honest with you, I'm not really sure if I like where I took it…but I guess I just gotta be happy with it lol.

So, don't forget to tell me what you guys think! Comments, critiques, questions (all loved and gladly appreciated).

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE(S):

**Next Chapter? **Pearson Hardman Mock Trial!

**Updates? **All updates for this story will be posted on Sundays. So, from now on you guys can be sure to find a new chapter posted and ready for you guys to read by Sunday afternoon.

* * *

**Thinking About You**

&I tell myself to let the story end,

My "why not me?" philosophy began,

&I say…ooh, How'm I gonna get over you?

I'll be alright. Just not tonight.

&I'm not the girl that I intend to be,

I dare you darling,

Just you wait and see.

* * *

It was a quarter to seven and Lily had yet to muster enough courage to open the small drawer of Harvey's desk. Feeling the cool leather upholstery against her bare shoulder blades was a welcomed touch. The amount of comfort she felt in that very moment took Lily by surprise. She had ventured into the lions den without so much as a chaperone. Lily had become accustomed over the last few days to the feel of countless eyes against her back every time she walked into Harvey's office, or any office for that matter. Mike's gaze always following her every movement, analyzing every detail and facial gesture so he could present his boss with a full summary of events. She was the shiny new toy that everyone wanted to play with. Lily knew that most of the attention came from the fact that everyone was dying to discover the past she and Harvey shared, no doubt to use as ammunition against the senior partner. There were a million things she could do in that very moment. She could rummage through every drawer and shelf to get a glimpse into what the last five years had been like for Harvey but Lily knew she wouldn't be able to handle any further disappointment. Knowing that Donna had remained a central part of his life during all those years was enough to hush the curiosity that was drifting through her frame.

The metal key rested against the desk, taunting the young lawyer and proclaiming that she was far too weak to take a look inside. _Maybe I am too weak…_Everything that had occurred in the confines of a single day was mind blowing. She'd gone from almost shredding Harvey into a million pieces during their meeting to being on the brink of joining him for dinner. Why there relationship had to be so complicated was something Lily had attempted many times to understand. One minute things were simple and the amount of affection they had for one another could fill an entire room and the next minute they were at each other's throats, bursting at the seams with rage. Things had once been so simple. There had never been a thought in her mind that they _weren't_ meant to be together. All the signs had once said they'd been made for each other. Of course, Lily was a completely different person then. She didn't have the same ambitions all those years ago, _or maybe I just suppressed them long enough until I forgot they were there…_Lily released a tired filled sigh as she locked her hues with the gleaming key once more. Pressing the key between her thumb and index finger her stomach immediately did a summersault. She was scared to learn what Harvey had kept hidden in the drawer for so many years.

Turning the key forty-five degrees to the right Lily could feel the lock click, tugging on the metal handle the drawer easily slid to reveal its depths. Lily didn't need to bother rummaging through its contents to find the object that was intended for her to find. The small black box was tucked away safely into the lower right hand corner but before she could even process her thoughts she found herself running her index finger across its surface. Lily held the smooth black box in her hand, her frame becoming heavy as the feeling of desolation enveloped her. Pulling open the small encasing her breath became caught in her throat as she stared down at the gleaming ring. It was difficult for the young lawyer to piece together a coherent thought. All that was trailing through her mind were a series of fragmented phrases and reactions, though she was unable to express any of them. The ring was just as she had remembered it: a princess cut stone, a series of small diamonds wrapped around the entire outer rim and engraved on the inner portion of the band were three little words, _always and forever._ A stream of tears was beginning to form across her ochre hues, begging to expel all the pent up emotions that were brewing within her. Lily closed her hand shut and could feel every ridge and groove piercing against her skin. In that very moment all she wanted to do was crawl into her queen size bed, a pint of ice cream between her lap and cry herself to sleep. Everything that was happening was far too much for her small frame to fathom.

Lily brought her hand up to her cheeks and wiped away the stray tears that had begun trailing down her skin. Did he honestly believe that her seeing the ring again would cause her to run into his arms and forget all the bullshit that was keeping them apart? His action had only proved to have the opposite effect. Seeing the glistening object reopened every wound that she had tried so hard to heal during the past five years. Lily could feel the freshly opened wounds begin to spill all the anger and sadness that had been shed the night she fleeted from Harvey's life. Every emotion, every smell, every sight was fresh on her mind. Her mind was reliving that dreaded night while her body was forced to remain seated, unable to break free from the trance. Lily opened her hand once more and looked down at the ring through tear stained eyes and placed it back into its respective box. _He kept it….it had to mean something right?_ But, she couldn't wear it. The meaning behind that engagement ring had shifted drastically. It was supposed to be a promise of communal love and admiration towards your significant other. It was supposed to establish the beginning of the rest of your life with someone. All that ring represented now was unfaithfulness. Looking at it filled ever pore of Lily's body with the urge to toss it out the nearest goddamn window. She wished Harvey were there in that very moment so he could see that if he thought it would dissolve the rift between them, he was sadly mistaken. If Donna had been around Lily was sure she would have shoved it into her hand and told her that if that's what she had wanted she could go ahead and take it.

The sentiment behind the ring was tainted. Slipping it onto her finger would no longer be a welcomed feeling. The thought of even wearing it again sent a shiver down Lily's spine. _I can't…_Picking up the box her heart told the young lawyer to just return it to the drawer and pretend as though she'd never seen it but her mind screamed that she needed to take it and let Harvey know that he was an idiot for having kept it all those years. She was torn between doing what was right for her and keeping Harvey's ego intact. It truthfully pissed her off that at the end of the day she always reverted back to doing what was best for Harvey. Lily brought the small box up to her nose and inhaled the mixture of cologne and worn leather from it's surface. A faint smile couldn't help but form on the corner of her lips at the thought of the night he's proposed to her. _Stop reminiscing! It never ends well…_The thought didn't even register, instead her thoughts went back to that night, the only night of utter happiness she had been able to experience before it all came crashing down. Lily's smile quickly faded and she found herself feeling empty and alone. Retrieving her purse from the floor she dropped the black box inside not bothering to make sure it hadn't accidentally popped open. Any sentimental value it had once held no longer existed. At least not in the same sense as the night Harvey had asked her to spend forever with him.

Lily pulled her cell phone from the depths of her purse and slid her index finger across the screen: no missed calls, no messages, no texts. _He hasn't found Donna yet…Donna? Seriously? Screw her. If she doesn't want to take the stand then let her go to jail for being so blind and dumb! _Running her digits through her raven tresses Lily's eyes reverted back to the screen and noticed that she only had half an hour to get ready if she planned to make it on time for dinner with Harvey. At that point having to sit through a meal with him was the last thing she wanted, she'd rather jump into the pacific ocean in the middle of Winter. Releasing a large groan from the deepest part of her abdomen Lily could feel a mixture of anxiousness and fatigue envelop her body. Biting her bottom lip gently she knew that Harvey was the only one that held answers to the millions of questions that had been bouncing around in her head for so many years. Although none of them seemed as important as the one that had been unearthed the minute she had opened the jewelry box: _Why had he kept it all these years?_…

* * *

The cool night air whipped against Mike's cheeks forcing him to tug on the sleeves of his jacket. Regardless of how hard he tried to keep warm his weather stricken fingertips were a dark shade of pink and if he remained exposed to the elements for a minute longer he was sure it wouldn't be long before they went completely numb. The view from the front step of Donna's apartment complex offered no entertainment. Mike had resorted hours ago to memorizing the license plates of cars and taxis as they drove by. The first few minutes it had been a challenge to keep all the numbers and letters straight in his head especially when the cars came buzzing past him but after a while it'd become child's play. He didn't even bother to raise his head completely, a simple glance against the plate and he could visualize the color, letters, numbers and state that was pressed into the metal. The little game he'd created was beginning to grow old and there was nothing else to catch his attention. Had the request for staking out Donna's home been asked by anyone else he would have certainly given up after the first hour but this was Lily, she'd already had enough crap to deal with and him failing this mission wasn't something he wanted to add to the list. Bringing his hands to his lips Mike blew a warm gust of air and regained partial motion of his fingers. _Where the hell are you Donna?_

Pushing his hand into the depths of his trousers he rummaged between his cell phone and the house keys that were keeping his phone hostage. Managing to break the two objects apart from each other he slid his thumb across the screen and punched in the unlock code. The phone immediately came to life and almost as if on instinct he began dialing Donna's phone number. There was a long pause before he was redirected to the voicemail: _"Hey, it's Donna leave a message and I'll get back to you. But if I didn't answer your call it's probably for a reason so I wouldn't hold my breath."_ Mike released a tiresome sigh and dropped the phone onto his lap. He was beginning to grow annoyed of being on this stakeout. _Why the hell is Donna dodging everyone's calls? _She had to have known that after what she did people were going to want answers but it seemed like she thought that if she buried her head in the sand long enough everything would just go away. Mike rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, the coolness of his skin awakening his senses momentarily. He hung his head down and stared at the pavement, _Maybe I could just take a small nap…_ Every pore in his body was aching to lay down on something that provided more support than the brick wall he was leaning against. Raising his head lazily he was startled by the silhouette that was only a few feet away. At first Mike thought his eyes were playing a trick on him, the lack of sleep was beginning to interfere with his vision. Mike rose to his feet and inched towards the redheaded woman, baffled by the sereneness that was painted across her face.

"Where've you been? I've practically filled your voice-mail with messages." Mike's voice was raspy and there was a hint of disappointment behind his words.

"What the hell are you doing here Mike?" Donna looked at the associate rather befuddled.

"I'm here because I knew you had to come home sooner or later and since you've been avoiding me at every turn it was the only way to get a hold of you."

"I'm not going to come in for your stupid mock trial." Donna readjusted the strap of her pitch black gym bag onto her shoulder and stared intently at Mike, prepared for any lame comeback he surely had scribbled out on a notepad before venturing out to find her.

"How'd you know that's what I'm here for?"

"Because you said so." She stated matter-of-factly and was beginning to grow annoyed by his lack of memory.

"No…In every message I left I never mentioned why I needed you to call me back." He tucked his hands into his trousers before closing the distance between their frames.

"I'm not stupid okay. If you've forgotten I worked at a law firm way before you ever came along. I know how this shit works."

"Then, you know you _need_ to show your face. Harvey's taking crap for what you did."

"For what I did?! Are you serious! All I did was try to _protect_ him and now you're making it seem like I'm the bad guy of the story."

"Harvey didn't _make_ you shred that evidence, you did that on your own accord and now he could go to jail! Is that what you want?" He didn't know what to do to get through to Donna. By the indifferent facial expression that was inked across her face he didn't know what to make of what she was saying. Did she truly not give a rats ass about what happened or was she just trying to prolong the time before she _had_ to confront both Harvey and Lily? The woman standing inches away was a complete stranger to him now; Only a remnant of the person he had found comfort and guidance in, knowing what she had been capable of doing to Lily made him sick to his stomach.

"I've talked to my attorney and if this thing goes to trial I'm pleading the fifth. So, get anyone else from the firm to play my role because the only thing _I'll_ be saying will be 'I decline to answer."

"Seriously?"

"I decline to answer." Donna tugged at the series of keys that were hanging from a lanyard she had kept tucked away inside her gym bag. She was tired of being harassed at every turn especially by those she had considered to be her closest friends. Did they had no idea what the last few days had been like for her? Of course they didn't. They had their heads so far up their ass worried about themselves that they had failed to see that maybe she was shattered into a million pieces. Harvey was taking the wrap for what she had done, she knew that but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes knowing that his career was in jeopardy because of her.

"Donna! You can't just pretend this isn't happening. Harvey needs you to be there!" Donna showed no signs of returning to play an active role in the conversation. "Donna!"

"I decline to freakin' answer!" She shook her head angrily, all she wanted was to lock herself inside her bedroom and pretend none of these people existed.

Mike threw his hands in the air rather angered that he was being forced to play the one hand he hadn't intended to use, "Don't you think you've screwed her over enough already?" His voice was soft and the tinge of sadness was apparent.

Donna turned immediately, searching for an answer across Mike's face she wasn't offered one. Instead she found herself staring at a young man that was now questioning her integrity. "Screwed _who_ over enough?"

"Don't play stupid Donna. I know what you and Harvey did to Lily. I never thought you'd be such a heartless bitch but if you're truly willing to let Lily put her own ass on the line while you just sit back and watch everything that _you_ caused go to shit then, maybe Lily's right in hating you so much."

She parted her lips slightly but no words escaped her lips instead she resorted to shaking her head continuously. They stood in silence for a few minutes, a look of disappointment painted across Mike's face that inched the redheaded secretary closer towards crumbling. "How dare you! This had nothing to do with what Harvey and I may or may not have done, okay? I did nothing wrong and I'm not going to go up there and let people point a finger at me."

"Oh, but it's okay for Lily to be forced to walk around the halls of Pearson Hardman? People whispering behind her back that she has no self respect since she comes crawling to Harvey's rescue. Does that seem okay to you? Does _any _of it seem okay to you? "

"She's a big girl Mike, no one _forced_ her to do shit! She's there because she wants to be."

He didn't bother offering a counterargument, it would be useless even if he did. It was difficult for Mike to wrap his head around the fact that Donna was being so stubborn. If she cared at all about everyone at the firm she would show up and tell her side of the story but it seemed all she cared about was herself.

"And just a question, since when are you Lily's protector? Last time I checked _we_ were friends not you and her. How quick you change sides."

"I'm not switching sides! You just failed to share with me the fact that you slept with Harvey while he was engaged to someone else! Someone that used to be your friend."

"Right…so I'm the terrible monster. But, what about Harvey? How come you're still all loyalty and rainbows when it comes to him? It kinda takes two people to have sex Mike." Donna crossed her arms across her chest, the seam of the lavender racer back rising slightly above her navel. Staring into his ocean hues it was obvious that Mike had no response to her previous statement. "Yeah…I thought so. Now, leave me the hell alone and tell everyone at the damn office to stop harassing me." Shutting the entrance door behind her frame Donna ran up the countless stairs until she was out of Mike's line of sight.

Mike brought a hand to his face and rubbed his temples, every pore in his body aching from the conversation. The simple fact that she'd refuse to confront her own actions was going to be enough to send the entire case to hell. Everyone was in jeopardy: Harvey could potentially be sent to jail, Jessica would be demoted at the very least once Hardman used the events as ammunition, Lily was going to be humiliated and he was surely going to be fired if not sent directly to jail along with Harvey. All their futures were in Donna's hands now. The only thing he could do was hope that she'd change her mind; Hope that once the guilt seeped into her bones she'd know the only way to free herself from the pain was to come forward.

* * *

The walls of the newly opened restaurant were a warm shade of gold. They created a warm and inviting feeling across your body that was perfectly accented by a muted olive green that was splayed across the columns on the far end of the room. Numerous tree stumps were spread across the dining room and had been given makeshift branches created by wooden planks that reached the bronze coated ceiling. The aesthetic was gentle enough on the eyes that you could drown yourself in your company yet intriguing enough to capture your gaze whenever you decided to admire the room. The warmly lit restaurant was filled to maximum capacity. It had taken several phone calls and favors to come across a reservation for that very night.

Harvey looked down at his silver plated Rolex and couldn't help but bite the inside of his mouth, she was already fifteen minutes late. _Maybe she's not going to show up._ The thought of being stood up would typically create a smirk across his face but not tonight. He wasn't being stood up by a random floozy he'd picked up at a seedy bar the night before, he was being ignored by the only woman he was capable of loving. He had known that asking her to join him for dinner was a bit of a stretch but having thrown in the curb ball of telling Lily to search for her engagement ring made the situation all the more futile. To be quite honest Harvey was unsure about how she'd react to seeing it again. He wasn't sure what he had thought would have occur: that she'd be elated the moment she opened the small box or that she'd at least acknowledge having found it or admitting she still had some sentimental attachment to it. It seemed at the moment that her reaction had been none of the above because he found himself sitting alone at a beautifully decorated table filled with nothing but guilt.

The feel of a dark figure hovering over him forced Harvey to raise his gaze and was greeted by a maitre-d that was smiling happily down at him, a beautiful women in his right arm and a long black menu was tucked beneath his left. "Your guest Mr. Specter." He felt himself rise instinctively to pull out Lily's chair. The smell of the perfume that lingered across her olive skin sent him reeling. His fingertips brushed her back slightly as he pushed the chair towards the table. "I apologize for the wait Miss, you should have told us you were Mr. Specters date."

"I didn't want to be such a hassle." Lily shrugged simply and gave the young man a smile.

"I will send a waiter over to take your orders." He placed the menu on the outer edge of the table and bowed his head before leaving the table.

"You look beautiful." The thoughts from his mind quickly translated into words he hadn't intended on uttering.

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." That smile, it had been so long since he had seen a genuine smile spread across her lips.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to show up."

Lily stared down at the table setting , her eyes following the flicker of the votive candle that had been placed in the center of the table. It had been such a long time since they'd shared a meal together but things didn't feel normal. The butterflies that had invaded her stomach every time she looked across the table were no longer there. Lily had always loved the fact that Harvey was the only man able to make her nervous, anxious and happy all at the same time. But, now she sat in the seat opposite him and felt nothing. "A part of me didn't want to."

The sincerity that was painted across her hues sent a dagger though his heart. Lowering his gaze to read the items that were typed against the beige paper that was neatly tucked into the thick black case. Neither of them bothered at an attempt to create conversation, it was apparent that if they continued speaking they would only make things worse. A skinny figure approached the edge of their table and pulled a small notepad from his apron as he looked at them intently, ready to jot down their order. Harvey had never been so thankful for a waiter to appear as he was just then. "May I take you order?"

"I'll have the king crab tempura with amazu ponzu." Harvey held out the menu for the waiter to retrieve. Tucking it beneath his arm he scratched the order onto the notepad before turning his attention to Lily.

"Umm….maybe the seafood toban yaki?" The uncertainty behind her response caused the waiter to chuckle. "Everything just sounds amazing. I'm torn." Lily looked up at Harvey, her eyes begging for him to offer a much needed suggestion. He knew her better than she knew herself, well at least when it came to food. Whenever they'd gone out on dates Harvey had always been the one to challenge her palate, forcing her to try new things and experience new tastes. It had always amazed her how he knew just what dish would not only hush her aching stomach but satisfy her need to try something unexpected.

"They have your favorite Lil." Harvey leaned forward and pointed to the fifth item from the bottom of the list. Lily's eyes lit up as she read the four little words that had been typed in black ink. "She'll have the black cod with miso."

"Excellent choice madam." The waiter acted as though Harvey had not been the one to offer the suggestion. Instead he gave her a smile that said '_Don't worry, I'm incredibly used to guys showing off their manliness by ordering for their dates', _before collecting Lily's menu and returning his attention to Harvey.

"What would you like to drink?"

"I'll have the Suntory Yamazaki and we'll also want a bottle Merlot during dinner."

"I'll start with the Pisco Sour."

The waiter nodded in agreement as he noted their requests. "Will that be all for you two tonight?"

"Umm, actually can you make sure that on the Pisco Sour there be a bit more sugar? Last time all I could taste was the pisco."

"Of course ma'am. Are you two celebrating a special anniversary? Birthday perhaps?"

The question caught Lily off guard, "No?"

"Oh. It's just Mr. Specter was very adamant about acquiring reservations for tonight. We all thought he probably forgot tonight was your anniversary." A soft laugh escaped the waiters lips but his smile quickly faded as he saw how uncomfortable the statement had made the young woman. "I'll just go get your guys' drinks."

"Yeah…" Lily bit her bottom lip gently before deciding to meet Harvey's gaze. "Why Nobu?"

"What?"

"You always hated Japanese cuisine so why bring me here of all places?"

"Because _you_ always loved it and that was all that ever mattered to me." He reached across the table and took her left hand in his. Running his thumb across the soft surface of her skin he remembered the way she would always reach out and wind her hand in his during the middle of their meals together. The first few times she had done it he had always asked her what she was doing. Lily would never offer him an answer so as time went on he would simply feign ignorance and smile under his breath at the feel of her cool skin against his hand. Yet, now he found himself being the one that missed the small caress enough to reach out and beg for her touch. Lily locked her ochre hues with his, welcoming the feel of his fingers sliding between the open spaces of her hand. His thumb crawled slowly to her ring finger, his stomach quickly falling at the empty feel across her skin. "You didn't wear it." It took every ounce of strength for him to mask the disappointment that was surging through his body.

"I…" Lily brought her right hand to his cheek and skimmed the warm skin with the pad of her thumb gently. She pulled away from slowly, the feel of his hands pressed against hers made her feel empty once his warmth had dissolved into the air. Picking up her purse from the base of her seat she pulled out the black box, contemplating what was going to happen next. Sliding the small box across the table she locked her hues with Harvey's. "I can't wear it Harvey, not after everything that's happened. I mean did you honestly expect me to just slip the ring back on and pretend everything was fine?"

_Yes._ "No…I just thought that it still meant something to you. That our _relationship_ still meant something to you."

"What relationship Harvey? We haven't had a relationship since the moment you hooked up with Donna." Uttering those words left a bitter taste on the tip of Lily's tongue. They were about to reopen one of the deepest wounds that was scratched against her heart and she wasn't sure she would be strong enough to sit through yet another argument with him. "All this ring reminds me of is your betrayal. Just looking at it makes my skin crawl with disgust. You must've known that seeing it would - " Lily didn't bother finishing her statement as she watched their waiter making his way towards their table. Yes, she was fuming on the inside and prepared to air out all the things that were eating her up inside. That didn't mean she was going to humiliate Harvey by voicing their dirty laundry loud enough for everyone to hear.

"The Pisco Sour for the beautiful lady and the Suntory Yamazaki for the gentleman." The man settled the glass of pisco in front of Lily then made his way towards Harvey, placing a small glass onto the table and filling the tumbler to the rim. Shortly after a look of confusion inched across his face, "Would you like me to leave the bottle as well? I know you ordered the Merlot to be served during dinner, so…."

Lily decided it was best she cut in before Harvey took out all his anger on the poor kid. "You know what, I think he'll be fine with the one drink. You can take the bottle." The young man nodded and placed the half empty bottle onto his tray.

Lily raised the glass of pisco and allowed the foamy egg white to skim her lips before allowing the smooth liquid to slither down her throat. The mixture of the bitters and lemon juice left her feeling slightly light headed by the rush of acidity that was filling her senses. "Why did you keep it all these years?" She stated casually as she licked the foam off of her upper lip.

"I don't know…." It was a lie, a lie he knew Lily would see right through but it would hurt him more to have to admit all the reasons why he hadn't been able to simply return to the ring to the jeweler. Harvey reached for his drink, thanking the god he had long questioned whether or not existed for having ordered a liquor strong enough to inhibit his emotions. The cool liquid created a puddle against his throat as he urged half of the contents of the glass into his mouth. His senses were jumbled by the notes of maple syrup, wood shavings, leather and chocolate that were bouncing against his tongue.

"Bullshit. I can believe that some people might just bury something in a drawer and forget about it for years at a time but you're not one of those people. Why did you keep it Harvey? Why would you make me look for it?" _God, I need more liquor._ Bringing the crystal tumbler to her pink stained lips once more she was secretly wishing she had gone with a glass of whiskey instead. The pisco wasn't going to provide her with anything near a buzz unless she had three more before the night was over.

"Because that ring held more memories then just the night you found out about Donna. I thought you'd be able to see past the bullshit and remember all the good times behind it."

"Well, bullshit kinda trumps any good memories I had once associated with it. Don't you see that every time I look at it all I picture in my head is you and Donna and all I want to do is throw it into the fucking Hudson River."

"I'm sorry." His ochre hues were muted and a look of defeat was painted across his face. He knew he had screwed up and he deserved every word that was being thrown in his direction but that didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.

"You keep saying that but a simple I'm sorry doesn't make everything okay. You screwed me over Harvey. You threw away everything we'd built together and for what? Just because you couldn't keep it in your damn pants! Just because you were pissed off at me? What type of person does that to the woman they claim to love?"

"I was an idiot."

"Tell me something I _don't_ already know. Did you ever even love me Harvey? Or was this all just some game you were playing with me from the very beginning?"

It pained Harvey to hear Lily question their entire relationship. Every word he had ever whispered in her ear, every embrace, every time he said "I love you", all of it- it had all been genuine and real. "You know you were never a game to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. "

"See that's the thing. You didn't _mean_ to hurt me but you did. How exactly did you think that sleeping with her wouldn't hurt me? If I had been to one to cheat on you shit would have panned out completely different." All of Lily's muscles were beginning to ache beneath the stress of having to keep a shouting match at a mere whisper to avoid the glances of strangers. _I just want to go home now!…_Lily studied her glass of pisco and was disappointed when she realized that there was only a small puddle left at the bottom. Running her fingers through her freshly straightened tresses she released a sigh before sliding the glass to the far edge of the table. _Maybe the waiter should have left that bottle of Suntory._ She wasn't an avid drinker, then again situations like these hadn't presented themselves in a regular basis during the last five years, but now she felt an urge to consume as much liquor as humanly possible. She wanted to drown out the hurt that was causing her body to tremble.

Reaching across the table Lily took Harvey's drink and allowed the cool liquid to skim her cupids bow. "You're not going to like it." Harvey began motioning for the waiter to make his way towards their table but Lily quickly raised her hand, signaling for the waiter to not take another step. The smell wasn't very inviting, it reminded the young woman of an old man's parlor room. The notes of tobacco that were scattered throughout the liquid forced Lily to settle the glass back down in front of Harvey.

"It smells like late night poker games and Cuban cigars." Lily shook her head in disgust. "When was the last time you drank something normal, like oh I don't know, whiskey?" A small smile began tugging on the corner of her lips but she quickly pushed it away.

"It _is _a normal drink."

"Right, because we're living in Japan." They were quickly returning to their mild mannered banter and the thought scared Lily. She couldn't allow him to think that things were fine now, that all it had taken was a small shouting session then all was good in the world. That wasn't how real life worked out. She was angry and hurt and there was nothing he could ever say or do to make that ache disappear. Biting her bottom lips gently Lily slid the small box that held the engagement ring onto Harvey's empty plate. She had no intention of keeping it, why would she want something that only served to make her sad every time she locked her gaze against its surface. "I think it's best I go. We have a long day tomorrow." Using the table for support she slid the seat in reverse and placed her black purse against her shoulder, staring down at the box once more Lily could feel her heart crumble into a millions pieces. She didn't dare look Harvey in the eyes, a simple flicker of despair inked across his face would send her in a downward spiral. No matter how much he had hurt her Lily couldn't inflict pain that easily especially when that person was visibly weakened each time she spoke.

"Lily…" Harvey rose from his seat, his arm wrapping gently around her waist as he pressed her frame against his body. The mixture of aged liquor and soft cologne intoxicated the young lawyer with every breath she took. "I'm not going to give up on this. I love you and that's something that's never going to change."

"Harvey, stop…" Lily crawled her hands against his chest, the feel of his muscles against the palms of her hands. She wanted to pull away but her body and mind were at a disconnect. The warm feel of his breath against her neck forced Lily to grab onto his arm for support, another second longer and she was sure she'd topple over. A small row of kisses were traced from her collar bone to her earlobe and all she could do was shut her eyes tightly and grip harder against his arm. "Harvey…you need to stop…" But, of course he didn't stop and truthfully every pore in her body begged for him not to. She was certain that a thousand eyes were now latched onto their frames but she didn't care, she needed to relish that moment, she needed to remain perfectly still because she was scared that if she made any sudden movements she'd be torn out of the dream. There was a soft nip against the sensitive skin across the lobe of her ear, the feel of his warm tongue against her body sent a shudder traveling down her spine. "I love you." The three little words escaped her lips before she could catch herself, the confession Harvey had long waited to here.

Upon gaining full consciousness of her movements she pulled away from him, her eyes meeting his ochre hues for a single second before she lowered her head and whispered, "I need to go…" From the corner of her eyes she could see Harvey reach out in an attempt to restrain her from leaving. "Don't…please just …don't…." Wiping a small stream of tears away before anyone could notice the toll that being wrapped in his arms had taken on her body. She needed to get as far away from him and everything that had happened. She needed to clear her head and reevaluate where her life was headed. Standing in the muted darkness of the city Lily couldn't help but bring her fingertips to her neck, feeling the small area where his lips had been only moments ago. _What the hell did you just let happen?….What the hell are you getting yourself into?_ Lily knew that she was driving down a winding round and it would only be moments before she crashed and burned once more. Harvey was going to find a way to screw things up, he always did and then she'd find herself crumbled into pieces, searching for a way to be whole again. The idea shook Lily to the core. _I'm scared…damn it, I'm just scared…._


End file.
